Something just got into me today. Are all things really possible when you believe hard enough? Perhaps... because it is all in the mind... Well, at least for things that you won't require mumbo jumbos to do.
Perhaps everything is just all in the mind. So... what are we if not for our mind? Our feelings that make who we are? The experience that shapes our very existence?
But today... My mind got attuned to something different today, or more likely accepted a fact of the norm... some things... just aren't meant to be, aren't meant to happen, aren't possible.
Maybe if we could all be a little more open to everything and try... give it a try to everything. Then again, when your hearts not ready, you just can't try... willingly. So... are things really possible when you try hard enough?
Beats me... but with the current "enlightenment"... whatever i'm thinking, feeling now... I'm just killing myself... for I just lost it. Again!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
How low will it go, how dark will it get...
Sorry folks, really stopped having juicy thoughts to write about. I'm depressed.
Deep, Dark, Cold.
I know my problems aren't the end of the world. I also know that there's more to life. But how do you jump out from an emotional shithole? Out of the shitpile, into the shithole... I keep running up to dead ends.
I saw a beacon of light... a glimpse of hope... but it died before it found life...
Am really dead tired of it. My beliefs are all falling apart. Why must everyone tell me to do everything that's beyond my wantings... Everything! All I can do, is to let it all go... stop trying... stop approaching... stop everything...
So near, yet so far... Its a stalemate... What should I do? Please, tell me... no turning back, yet no steps forward...
Deep, Dark, Cold.
I know my problems aren't the end of the world. I also know that there's more to life. But how do you jump out from an emotional shithole? Out of the shitpile, into the shithole... I keep running up to dead ends.
I saw a beacon of light... a glimpse of hope... but it died before it found life...
Am really dead tired of it. My beliefs are all falling apart. Why must everyone tell me to do everything that's beyond my wantings... Everything! All I can do, is to let it all go... stop trying... stop approaching... stop everything...
So near, yet so far... Its a stalemate... What should I do? Please, tell me... no turning back, yet no steps forward...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friend.
Friend? Are we really friends? I am not your friend. Not the way I see it... How do you rate your friends? What do you consider as a friend? Put me in the chart, rate me from your view... Do I really qualify as a friend? Being treated the way I am now? I don't think so... save your pity... save the excuse... Pray we'll all find our happiness and forget this terrible nightmare. Like it never ever existed. Another black hole in my life. Begone...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
. . .
Being childish or not... How can I even sum up how i feel...
Whining doesn't help, moving on but don't seem to be budging...
I hate you...
hate that you took away whats important in my life...
hate that you decided everything for me...
hate that you shattered my life like a jigsaw...
hate that you took my heart away...
hate that you gave up...
hate that you are glad...
hate that you hate me...
hate that you broke my peace over & over...
hate the fact that "i love/miss you but i can't be with you.." ever existed...
I hate that I loved you...
"Everyone thinks that I am happy and fine... but look a little closer... you'll see tears in my eyes..."
PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE
Whining doesn't help, moving on but don't seem to be budging...
I hate you...
hate that you took away whats important in my life...
hate that you decided everything for me...
hate that you shattered my life like a jigsaw...
hate that you took my heart away...
hate that you gave up...
hate that you are glad...
hate that you hate me...
hate that you broke my peace over & over...
hate the fact that "i love/miss you but i can't be with you.." ever existed...
I hate that I loved you...
"Everyone thinks that I am happy and fine... but look a little closer... you'll see tears in my eyes..."
PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE
Monday, October 27, 2008
I don't wanna be an angel no more...
Its been some time now, after many years of gathering thoughts, experience in life. I thought I had seen it all. Perhaps the world is just to wide for one to grasp in hand. Am I being naive all along? Up till recently, what I believed in... just didn't seem to be real anymore.
What do you get for being "nice"? What do you get for being there? What do you get for being... yourself?
A pat of the back? A warm greeting? A smile for the moment?
What good is having faith? When everyone else don't see the same way...
I quit... good luck. have fun.
What do you get for being "nice"? What do you get for being there? What do you get for being... yourself?
A pat of the back? A warm greeting? A smile for the moment?
What good is having faith? When everyone else don't see the same way...
I quit... good luck. have fun.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The man who can't be moved
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw-J8kC5DHo
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm
and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm
and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]
So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.
Break even
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Beautifully written lyrics... every little bit of it,
... however, it doesn't matter anymore... :)
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Beautifully written lyrics... every little bit of it,
... however, it doesn't matter anymore... :)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Picking up the pace
So now that Hurricane Gene is over... its time to set things right!
My checklist:
ps: yes... the last point in the wishlist contradicts everything that i want above... who cares... I can spend. so sue me.
My checklist:
- The NEW new Honda City
- A Husky named Spirit
DSLR- done!PS3 (thanks to the influence of friends)- 32 inch LCD inside my room
- Booming speakers to go with my TV and PS3.
- Get a pad of my own
- Quit my job and flee the country... YES!!! muahahaha
ps: yes... the last point in the wishlist contradicts everything that i want above... who cares... I can spend. so sue me.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
You don't trust me?
What a good question... trust, is earned and not something given as a necessity. If you asked why someone doubted you, try tracing back the steps of why the trust was taken away. If you find it, and feel like its important to maintain that trust, the earn it all over again. Just don't try to run away from it or put the blame on elsewhere.
After all, a reputation hard to build and easily crumbled. Its all about managing expectations in the world we live in. Because we are all human, we make mistakes and we tend to dwell at the unproductive, negative side of things. When we are constantly being treated like kings, and just suddenly one day the service became a little bit slower that the usual, we complaint, indicating that the service is poor, useless, horrible! but what about the Nth time that service has been good to you? When things are "up" all the time, 1 "down" in a blue moon spoils the entire reputation. It is all about managing expectations, and it applies to every aspects of life.
Ever so frequent, we hear the phrase: We forgive but we do not forget. While it seems a little cruel, I believe that it is often misinterpreted. To forgive oneself is to save yourself... So why do you want to think of the bad? We make mistakes, we all do... Why let a rotten apple spoil the entire basket of fruit? Its easy to find fault and give up when something bad happens... but what about the happier moments? Are they really overshadowed by a few rotten examples? If there's a problem fix it, don't run away from it for it will haunt you sooner or later. The last bit mentions "we do not forget"... it doesn't mean that we should hold a grudge but rather it reminds us that we should not repeat it again of the mistakes. It really is easy to give up but happiness is hard to build... Isn't life always like this? Nothing good comes easy and sometimes you need to be persistant enough to face it all.
I remember the first day I went to church... I just felt like it... call it fate, it did touch me a little and made sense to me. The message for the day goes something like this... "do not judge other... why do you talk about the speck of dust on people's eyes when you have a plank sticking out your own.." or something like that... it means, before you talk about others, first look at yourself... don't be a hypocrite. I realized something then, I had been too judgemental on certain things and on certain people... I am sorry if that happened... and I do hope too... others will realize this as well... we are all the same... humans of flesh and blood...
After all, a reputation hard to build and easily crumbled. Its all about managing expectations in the world we live in. Because we are all human, we make mistakes and we tend to dwell at the unproductive, negative side of things. When we are constantly being treated like kings, and just suddenly one day the service became a little bit slower that the usual, we complaint, indicating that the service is poor, useless, horrible! but what about the Nth time that service has been good to you? When things are "up" all the time, 1 "down" in a blue moon spoils the entire reputation. It is all about managing expectations, and it applies to every aspects of life.
Ever so frequent, we hear the phrase: We forgive but we do not forget. While it seems a little cruel, I believe that it is often misinterpreted. To forgive oneself is to save yourself... So why do you want to think of the bad? We make mistakes, we all do... Why let a rotten apple spoil the entire basket of fruit? Its easy to find fault and give up when something bad happens... but what about the happier moments? Are they really overshadowed by a few rotten examples? If there's a problem fix it, don't run away from it for it will haunt you sooner or later. The last bit mentions "we do not forget"... it doesn't mean that we should hold a grudge but rather it reminds us that we should not repeat it again of the mistakes. It really is easy to give up but happiness is hard to build... Isn't life always like this? Nothing good comes easy and sometimes you need to be persistant enough to face it all.
I remember the first day I went to church... I just felt like it... call it fate, it did touch me a little and made sense to me. The message for the day goes something like this... "do not judge other... why do you talk about the speck of dust on people's eyes when you have a plank sticking out your own.." or something like that... it means, before you talk about others, first look at yourself... don't be a hypocrite. I realized something then, I had been too judgemental on certain things and on certain people... I am sorry if that happened... and I do hope too... others will realize this as well... we are all the same... humans of flesh and blood...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Dear... couldn't put it much better than this...
Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again
The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know
That when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart
Rain please tell me now does that seem fair
For her to steal my heart away when she don't care
I can't love another when my hearts somewhere far away
The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know that when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart
[Instrumental Interlude]
Rain won't you tell her that I love her so
Please ask the sun to set her heart aglow
Rain in her heart and let the love we knew start to grow
Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again
Oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater
Oh, oh, oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Self-healing
Once, there was this guy, who was in love with a gal.
She wasn't the most beautiful and gorgeous but for him, she was everything.
He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him, "why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not? First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".
He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her. One day when he proposed, she rejected him.
His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.
To their surprise, he was not depressed. When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied, "why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her."
She wasn't the most beautiful and gorgeous but for him, she was everything.
He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him, "why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not? First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".
He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her. One day when he proposed, she rejected him.
His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.
To their surprise, he was not depressed. When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied, "why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her."
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Love... 2.0
I pray hard,
I am hopeful,
and always wishful...
that you will always
be a part of my life...
I'll color your world,
and protect you girl,
If only you will,
just let us both heal...
I am hopeful,
and always wishful...
that you will always
be a part of my life...
I'll color your world,
and protect you girl,
If only you will,
just let us both heal...
Monday, July 28, 2008
The longest sigh...
why is it so hard to trust someone whom you know and has been there for you for years? funny how we chose to trust a perfect stranger but not the one you've know before... afraid to be hurt again? who doesnt... but we are all humans... we make mistakes and we learn from it... second chances? don't you wish for a second chance too if you ever did something wrong? sigh...
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Weekends...
I hate weekends... Back then, Friday would mean a whole lot to me. Looking forward to the weekends to see the person dearest. Now its just a routine, empty days...
When will this be over?
When will this be over?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Why...
People can be very dishonest to themselves at times. Why? Because of your principles? Love can never be a rational thing... If it were, it wouldn't be love... would it?
Why is it when you want something, you wait for it to happen? Why don't we take the intiative ourselves? Why... torment yourself... and the people you love... and the people who loves you back...
Why is it when you want something, you wait for it to happen? Why don't we take the intiative ourselves? Why... torment yourself... and the people you love... and the people who loves you back...
Sunday, July 13, 2008
A transformation
I am turning into an irritable person although I tried hard of not to. Someone told me, you know... whatever state of mind you are in now, you are just like "...". Play the reversal role now. Put myself in that shoe... and I know what I am crazing over, think of is utterly futile. Oh yes... I know them all too well...
But what? perhaps I am just being hopeful... Why must one be so pessimistic? Or am I just cheating myself? Just look at how it is now... Detestable... I am being stubborn but its something I chose. Why do you wanna give up on something that you finally realized is something you wanted all along? Perhaps it bears no fruit by the end of the day, bt perhaps it will. Nobody know... aren't we all being hopeful?
Sometimes, its not about being better off. Its not about better opportunity or finding someone better. Its all about fate. Love is the strangest thing which people just can't explain. We do silly things... though it might be difficult but its the outcome and matters.
Yes, it definitely takes two to work... but look at it this way... it has to start somewhere? Someone has to make the move else there will be nowhere... Timing too is a factor... sometimes when the time isn't right, you just can't budge it. Just when the time is right, puzzle pieces will fall into place.
Opps... So am I contradicting myself now? Yes... I am again... Patience is the key... but I am impatient... Time will tell it all... perhaps I will change in time too, learn to let go and find happiness elsewhere... but I am sure as of what I want now after all that's happened. I take my stand. Just hope that I am emotionally strong enough to live through it.
I really wonder how you did it... its tough... I realize...
But what? perhaps I am just being hopeful... Why must one be so pessimistic? Or am I just cheating myself? Just look at how it is now... Detestable... I am being stubborn but its something I chose. Why do you wanna give up on something that you finally realized is something you wanted all along? Perhaps it bears no fruit by the end of the day, bt perhaps it will. Nobody know... aren't we all being hopeful?
Sometimes, its not about being better off. Its not about better opportunity or finding someone better. Its all about fate. Love is the strangest thing which people just can't explain. We do silly things... though it might be difficult but its the outcome and matters.
Yes, it definitely takes two to work... but look at it this way... it has to start somewhere? Someone has to make the move else there will be nowhere... Timing too is a factor... sometimes when the time isn't right, you just can't budge it. Just when the time is right, puzzle pieces will fall into place.
Opps... So am I contradicting myself now? Yes... I am again... Patience is the key... but I am impatient... Time will tell it all... perhaps I will change in time too, learn to let go and find happiness elsewhere... but I am sure as of what I want now after all that's happened. I take my stand. Just hope that I am emotionally strong enough to live through it.
I really wonder how you did it... its tough... I realize...
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I loved you too late...
It always begins with 2 person knowing each other; of course! else where won't be a story to tell... All my life, I've yearned the TLC of a partner and it is my own dream to be able to care & love a person with my all.
Usually it all starts with a spark, love at first sight or whatever you call it.. but it usually doesn't work at all for me. Why? probably because you lose your common sense the moment you fall straight for a person. I've seen and been through a lot of heartaches because of this. Still it was good experience and it taught me a thing or two.
I've been through a few long term relationships but I would dare say that I couldn't be more happier on my last encounter. Why and what makes it so special? She's the person whom I spent some time with, slowly fell for her, gave my all to her courtship and she nodded to me when I told her of how I felt. If this was a movie, it was already a happily ever after.
I was at cloud 9, couldn't believe the answer I got (of course I was damn happy), butterflies and everything. I secretly told God, (thank you thank you thank you thank you... she's all I could ever dream of). Life has never been that great up till that point. Someone whom actually I loved really did love me in return!
I was shy at first... probably still can't believe that I've got such a lovely girl by my side. I still could recall the very first day I held her hands. I tried to reach out my hand, then pulled it back and again... well... it took me long enough to do so and when we held hands... I just blushed... That feeling was great.
She cared a lot for me and I'd love very much to pamper her. Her gestures, her concerns... it was all so sweet. We had a lot of plans going on... this little thing, that little thing... and it was sweet. Life was just never boring and what was once gloomy I soon had forgotten.
From a low self-esteemed person, I couldn't be much prouder. I was very proud of my partner and still very much at cloud 9. It was all ideal, we never had any arguements or that was what I told her. "let's not be like other couples that argue, we should talk things out if there's anything wrong". Maybe... that was just too ideal. Still it was very much like a perfect dream, my perfect partner on our very first anniversary.
As years passed, we slowly fell into the old couple category... we argued a little and life just got routine. Perhaps it was just too comfortable that we took it for granted....
And here, is truly where my story begins...
Never should you doubt the one you love and care... You'd live to regret it, and now I know... it hurts a lot and what can you do except for accepting this fact already? Never doubt your own feelings as well... I was stupid... silly... lost somewhere in between with questions like if i still loved her that much, or even if its what I really want.
People, you will all never know until the ultimate punishment chases after you. You will only know how much you value it until its gone... Sad but true... and probably humans are just being themselves, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being let down...
Trust is really hard to gain... once lost... you might not be so lucky to earn a second chance. While some are lucky enough some are not. Why? I always asked myself... to err is to human...
I take blame for part of what's happened... I admit and won't run... Its really tough when you try to struggle against the odds... against the tide. Once you realized something but only to find it too late, it kills... so what now?
Like a broken player, the memories rewinds itself over and over... sweet yet sad. I've learnt my lesson... yes i do... only if i could... i tell myself... only if...
all I can say is... I loved you too late...
Usually it all starts with a spark, love at first sight or whatever you call it.. but it usually doesn't work at all for me. Why? probably because you lose your common sense the moment you fall straight for a person. I've seen and been through a lot of heartaches because of this. Still it was good experience and it taught me a thing or two.
I've been through a few long term relationships but I would dare say that I couldn't be more happier on my last encounter. Why and what makes it so special? She's the person whom I spent some time with, slowly fell for her, gave my all to her courtship and she nodded to me when I told her of how I felt. If this was a movie, it was already a happily ever after.
I was at cloud 9, couldn't believe the answer I got (of course I was damn happy), butterflies and everything. I secretly told God, (thank you thank you thank you thank you... she's all I could ever dream of). Life has never been that great up till that point. Someone whom actually I loved really did love me in return!
I was shy at first... probably still can't believe that I've got such a lovely girl by my side. I still could recall the very first day I held her hands. I tried to reach out my hand, then pulled it back and again... well... it took me long enough to do so and when we held hands... I just blushed... That feeling was great.
She cared a lot for me and I'd love very much to pamper her. Her gestures, her concerns... it was all so sweet. We had a lot of plans going on... this little thing, that little thing... and it was sweet. Life was just never boring and what was once gloomy I soon had forgotten.
From a low self-esteemed person, I couldn't be much prouder. I was very proud of my partner and still very much at cloud 9. It was all ideal, we never had any arguements or that was what I told her. "let's not be like other couples that argue, we should talk things out if there's anything wrong". Maybe... that was just too ideal. Still it was very much like a perfect dream, my perfect partner on our very first anniversary.
As years passed, we slowly fell into the old couple category... we argued a little and life just got routine. Perhaps it was just too comfortable that we took it for granted....
And here, is truly where my story begins...
Never should you doubt the one you love and care... You'd live to regret it, and now I know... it hurts a lot and what can you do except for accepting this fact already? Never doubt your own feelings as well... I was stupid... silly... lost somewhere in between with questions like if i still loved her that much, or even if its what I really want.
People, you will all never know until the ultimate punishment chases after you. You will only know how much you value it until its gone... Sad but true... and probably humans are just being themselves, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being let down...
Trust is really hard to gain... once lost... you might not be so lucky to earn a second chance. While some are lucky enough some are not. Why? I always asked myself... to err is to human...
I take blame for part of what's happened... I admit and won't run... Its really tough when you try to struggle against the odds... against the tide. Once you realized something but only to find it too late, it kills... so what now?
Like a broken player, the memories rewinds itself over and over... sweet yet sad. I've learnt my lesson... yes i do... only if i could... i tell myself... only if...
all I can say is... I loved you too late...
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
My love will get you home...
Dear...
If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Ignorance is bliss
Sometimes being "too smart" or informative isn't a good thing. As the saying, ignorance is bliss... The more you dig, the deeper the hole gets but without a proper verdict, you'll always be playing assumptions.
Found out too much and of course but not everything, which makes it a dangerous and difficult position. I would like to think otherwise... give the benefit of doubt.. positive. So am I just fooling myself? Or is the truth just plain simple?
That... no one will know unless it comes from the mouth of the witness...
Objection! ... too much of Phoenix Wright games lately....
Found out too much and of course but not everything, which makes it a dangerous and difficult position. I would like to think otherwise... give the benefit of doubt.. positive. So am I just fooling myself? Or is the truth just plain simple?
That... no one will know unless it comes from the mouth of the witness...
Objection! ... too much of Phoenix Wright games lately....
Friday, July 04, 2008
Sempurna...
yes... humans are stupid... only to realize what's important when things are lost...
...this is for you...
Kau begitu sempurna
Di mataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu
Di setiap langkahku
Ku kan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa ku bayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu
*Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Tak kan mampu menghadapi semua,
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku, lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu,
sempurna....
Kau genggam tanganku
saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikan kata yang hapus semua sesalku
(*)
...this is for you...
Kau begitu sempurna
Di mataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu
Di setiap langkahku
Ku kan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa ku bayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu
*Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Tak kan mampu menghadapi semua,
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku, lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu,
sempurna....
Kau genggam tanganku
saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikan kata yang hapus semua sesalku
(*)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Mmmbop / I will come to you...
L: Been on a lyric spree... Feels like I'm drownin in all of it.
MmmBop (click for vid)
You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.
Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.
Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.
Chorus:
MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do
Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.
Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.
I Will Come to You... (Click for vid)
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you
'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand
I'll reach out and take your hand
Oh I will come to you
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you,
Oh I will come to you
L: This song goes to myself...
MmmBop (click for vid)
You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.
Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.
Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.
Chorus:
MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do
Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.
Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.
I Will Come to You... (Click for vid)
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you
'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand
I'll reach out and take your hand
Oh I will come to you
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you,
Oh I will come to you
L: This song goes to myself...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
U make me wanna...
always loved this one... oh crap! HAHAHA
To start it off I know you know me
To come to think of it, it was only last week.
That I had a dream about us, oh.
That's why I am here, I'm writing this song.
To tell the truth you know I have been hurting all along,
Someway let me know, you want me girl.
Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
Baby that's why:
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
Well I know that these feelings won't end no, no.
They'll just get stronger if I see you again.
Baby I'm tired of being friends.
I wanna know if you feel the same
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?
Don't leave me in doubt.
Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
And baby that's why:
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I'll take you home real quick
And sit you down on the couch
Pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out.
Baby we can make sweet love.
Then we'll take it nice and slow.
I'm gonna touch you like you've never know before
We're gonna make love all night.
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
To come to think of it, it was only last week.
That I had a dream about us, oh.
That's why I am here, I'm writing this song.
To tell the truth you know I have been hurting all along,
Someway let me know, you want me girl.
Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
Baby that's why:
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
Well I know that these feelings won't end no, no.
They'll just get stronger if I see you again.
Baby I'm tired of being friends.
I wanna know if you feel the same
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?
Don't leave me in doubt.
Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
And baby that's why:
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I'll take you home real quick
And sit you down on the couch
Pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out.
Baby we can make sweet love.
Then we'll take it nice and slow.
I'm gonna touch you like you've never know before
We're gonna make love all night.
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Like a bolt of thunder, it struck... almost inevitable, so certain like death... will there be miracles?
enerix: Like Newton with his apple drop, it just struck me dumbfound. My time around is limited... There is only so much time till the day where we need to part ways... the countdown begins...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Battle...
You thought we'd be fine
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time
Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why aren't you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try!
You've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and im feelin like we've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight
Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call (Why'd you have to let it go)
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know (cant you see you hurt me soo)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try!
Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call....
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know(cant you see you hurt me so)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
this can be better, we can be happy, try!
This is a battle and its your final last call
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time
Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why aren't you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try!
You've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and im feelin like we've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight
Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call (Why'd you have to let it go)
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know (cant you see you hurt me soo)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try!
Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call....
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know(cant you see you hurt me so)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
this can be better, we can be happy, try!
This is a battle and its your final last call
The End...
In Loving Memory,
Eugene Lim
26th May 2008
A part of me died on this day...
-Messed up but loved you-
27 Dec 2004 - 26 May 2008
(3 yrs 5 mths)
Eugene Lim
26th May 2008
A part of me died on this day...
-Messed up but loved you-
27 Dec 2004 - 26 May 2008
(3 yrs 5 mths)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Won't you walk with me? (sane writing)
It has been an awful long week since... since I can even remember. It all just happened so quick and my reflexes are catching up late. What am I feeling now? Hollow... Empty... Numb... that's what I'd tell you. Am I sad? I can't tell at all. Been repeating this quite often now; I have no tears, yet I couldn't put up a happy smile.
Sometimes I'd just stare blankly out to space, wasting the minutes of the hour just like that. What's to regret? and no one's to blame for anything like this to happen. Don't know... maybe really sendiri "lor lei jin". I am getting insane... probably just a bit... Work's also particularly irritating recently. I'm slowly transforming into a salarymen, with those usual problems with office; boss, boss's boss, somebody's boss, and the difficult people that you gotta deal with.
With everything that's happening recently... I can only say a thing, TROUBLESOME!. Sometimes I just wish I can dream it all off from my routine. In times like this... I believe I've some sort of saw God. Believe it or not, these things are eeriely true at times you need it the most. I went to church one day, willingly... yes.. you heard me right... the once table sitting, I'm never satisfied with your answers, nerve wrecking fool in moral classes is actually going there. It all just falls into place like the puzzle pieces coming together, at the right place and right time. Even so, Eugenism still rules! It was all cool and listening to advices that relates and makes sense really is comforting.
I've realized a lot during these times. I've changed... a lot. From the innocent kampung boy, I've transformed into a wicked little bugger. The only thing I realize didn't change was my indecisiveness on most of everything. I'm never here nor there. I just couldn't make up my mind. I've made up my mind on several occasions in life but, there's always a but... so... but... it somehow changes along time and I am back at square one.
Probably this all that's happened is a sign... an omen of sort. To tell me that its time to start anew. I will... I promise. Its time to get things straight, pull myself up together and start making life more meaningful. I'd of course appreciate the hand and company to pull it through... so won't you walk with me? yes... you...
:)
Sometimes I'd just stare blankly out to space, wasting the minutes of the hour just like that. What's to regret? and no one's to blame for anything like this to happen. Don't know... maybe really sendiri "lor lei jin". I am getting insane... probably just a bit... Work's also particularly irritating recently. I'm slowly transforming into a salarymen, with those usual problems with office; boss, boss's boss, somebody's boss, and the difficult people that you gotta deal with.
With everything that's happening recently... I can only say a thing, TROUBLESOME!. Sometimes I just wish I can dream it all off from my routine. In times like this... I believe I've some sort of saw God. Believe it or not, these things are eeriely true at times you need it the most. I went to church one day, willingly... yes.. you heard me right... the once table sitting, I'm never satisfied with your answers, nerve wrecking fool in moral classes is actually going there. It all just falls into place like the puzzle pieces coming together, at the right place and right time. Even so, Eugenism still rules! It was all cool and listening to advices that relates and makes sense really is comforting.
I've realized a lot during these times. I've changed... a lot. From the innocent kampung boy, I've transformed into a wicked little bugger. The only thing I realize didn't change was my indecisiveness on most of everything. I'm never here nor there. I just couldn't make up my mind. I've made up my mind on several occasions in life but, there's always a but... so... but... it somehow changes along time and I am back at square one.
Probably this all that's happened is a sign... an omen of sort. To tell me that its time to start anew. I will... I promise. Its time to get things straight, pull myself up together and start making life more meaningful. I'd of course appreciate the hand and company to pull it through... so won't you walk with me? yes... you...
:)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Won't you walk with me?
It has been cloudy week,
It has been a hollow week.
I laugh an empty laugh,
I smile an empty smile.
I am sad but I couldn't cry,
I am happy but I couldn't fly.
The bitter just isn't bitter,
The sweet doesn't get sweeter.
I used to whine,
I used to mind.
The days I miss her,
Was the day my mem'ries linger.
But do not pity, for pitiful I am not...
Fark... I never meant to rhyme...
So much has happened,
So much has changed.
In days like this it makes me wonder.
In times like this my does heart ponder.
In crossroads now... I have to re-evaluate myself.
Getting a hold of the inside me... the other me...
In time I hope, I will return.
I hope it all, to start anew.
It has been a hollow week.
I laugh an empty laugh,
I smile an empty smile.
I am sad but I couldn't cry,
I am happy but I couldn't fly.
The bitter just isn't bitter,
The sweet doesn't get sweeter.
I used to whine,
I used to mind.
The days I miss her,
Was the day my mem'ries linger.
But do not pity, for pitiful I am not...
Fark... I never meant to rhyme...
So much has happened,
So much has changed.
In days like this it makes me wonder.
In times like this my does heart ponder.
In crossroads now... I have to re-evaluate myself.
Getting a hold of the inside me... the other me...
In time I hope, I will return.
I hope it all, to start anew.
Only One...
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
e: can't believe i'm sobering over saddistic songs...
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
e: can't believe i'm sobering over saddistic songs...
Monday, May 19, 2008
Realize
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.
If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.
If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Ego Has Landed
Gone are the days of hopeful,
Gone are the days of patience,
Gone are the days of tolerance,
Gone are the days of happiness...
Came are the days of despair,
Came are the days of retaliation,
Came are the days of refutation,
Came are the days of sorrow...
The ego... has finally landed.
Gone are the days of patience,
Gone are the days of tolerance,
Gone are the days of happiness...
Came are the days of despair,
Came are the days of retaliation,
Came are the days of refutation,
Came are the days of sorrow...
The ego... has finally landed.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Dear Diary...
Dear Diary,
If life is about hopping past obstacles, then these days truly have been those difficult ones. Be it work, home or life personally I believe that its finally at those important crossroads that determine my life in the next few years.
Wished I could be someone who tells everyone that I love my work. Work... is work... and it really is envious for those who found their pleasure at work. But because life is not just about enjoying, there are moments of reality that one needs to face. Well, probably I wasn't brave enough to embrace the difficulties that I was about to endure if I really did go into my field of interest. Scrawny pay, long working hours, and so on... The first thing that crossed my mind was, how the heck am I gonna afford to raise a family in that condition?
I am, in some sort of way satisfied with my job now. Although not what I intended to do, it is still something that I chose considering the options to get a decent pay and make a living with a family in mind. I am trying to be as independent as much possible from my parents although the fact that I am parasiting at home ... still... :P Yeah... back to the job... its really gotten a whole lot steeper and not one can I can remember of not being forgetful and yelled at in office. Something is just missing from my life. I know I could push further but somehow I am feeling the missing puzzle somewhere... Similar to the feeling of being home, I feel incompetent at work. Really wished that I won't have to depend on ppl too much. Rather, I'd like to be someone helpful at work for a change...
Being at home... well, I guess my family has gotten used to my silence and isolation in the room. They used to make a whole bunch of noises and complaints about my routine at home. Its not that I've change or anything like that... I haven't been living with my parents for roughly 6 years now. Although I enjoy staying home relaxing, I ain't exactly a home person. I remember back to as young as 13, I enjoyed staying away from my parents. Homesick only meant sick of home rather than missing it. When will I be able to roam free again? The feeling of being home in your own home is really comforting. I also get this feeling of staying at home... "the more i stay home, the more arguments will come up at home". We will always be kids to our parents so nothing we say will ever go in properly to their ears... and this really is pissing off at times. Adjusting to home is just... another weird task...
I'm feeling really f*cked up recently... Whatever that I stood or believed in actually is heading for a U-turn. Was I being too idealistic? Or is it just plain naive of my thoughts? Probably there was something which I should have done in a long time, but I just couldn't. Someone told me... "Its just so like you"... I was speechless for a moment... but I'd really prefer to be hopeful. My advice? If you wanna live your life, be someone that really live with your "brains" or your "heart". What happens when your brain and heart try to work on the same problem? You get a messed up monkey like me.
I've had sleepless nights for the past few days. I had nightmares and ended up waking at 2 -3 in the morning, gasping or palpitating from those dreams. My first string of nightmare began as a result of worry & guilt towards a friend of mine. Just when I can't help feeling restless and lost with those feelings, it had to continue in my dreams. I think I've let her down in some way. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever wanna do but in some twist of fate, I think I've just done that. If there was anything to make things right again, I'd certainly do it.
The following night was also torturous! Just when I thought I could sleep peacefully, I had to dream of work! Isn't working 8 hours a day enough already? Guess it shows how stressful work can be and hazardous to one's mind. Same thing again, I woke up in the middle of the night sweating in a room with a temperature of 24 Celcius.
People often say good luck/bad luck comes in three... so I hit the jackpot again last night. There was just too much bugging my mind before I went to bed. "what to do?" "should I?" "Is this right?" and kerpowwww! Nightmare 3! This time, in my dreams, I lost someone dear... I was really relieved when I woke up from bed, know that it was just only a dream.
Restless pretty much sums up the feeling...
If life is about hopping past obstacles, then these days truly have been those difficult ones. Be it work, home or life personally I believe that its finally at those important crossroads that determine my life in the next few years.
Wished I could be someone who tells everyone that I love my work. Work... is work... and it really is envious for those who found their pleasure at work. But because life is not just about enjoying, there are moments of reality that one needs to face. Well, probably I wasn't brave enough to embrace the difficulties that I was about to endure if I really did go into my field of interest. Scrawny pay, long working hours, and so on... The first thing that crossed my mind was, how the heck am I gonna afford to raise a family in that condition?
I am, in some sort of way satisfied with my job now. Although not what I intended to do, it is still something that I chose considering the options to get a decent pay and make a living with a family in mind. I am trying to be as independent as much possible from my parents although the fact that I am parasiting at home ... still... :P Yeah... back to the job... its really gotten a whole lot steeper and not one can I can remember of not being forgetful and yelled at in office. Something is just missing from my life. I know I could push further but somehow I am feeling the missing puzzle somewhere... Similar to the feeling of being home, I feel incompetent at work. Really wished that I won't have to depend on ppl too much. Rather, I'd like to be someone helpful at work for a change...
Being at home... well, I guess my family has gotten used to my silence and isolation in the room. They used to make a whole bunch of noises and complaints about my routine at home. Its not that I've change or anything like that... I haven't been living with my parents for roughly 6 years now. Although I enjoy staying home relaxing, I ain't exactly a home person. I remember back to as young as 13, I enjoyed staying away from my parents. Homesick only meant sick of home rather than missing it. When will I be able to roam free again? The feeling of being home in your own home is really comforting. I also get this feeling of staying at home... "the more i stay home, the more arguments will come up at home". We will always be kids to our parents so nothing we say will ever go in properly to their ears... and this really is pissing off at times. Adjusting to home is just... another weird task...
I'm feeling really f*cked up recently... Whatever that I stood or believed in actually is heading for a U-turn. Was I being too idealistic? Or is it just plain naive of my thoughts? Probably there was something which I should have done in a long time, but I just couldn't. Someone told me... "Its just so like you"... I was speechless for a moment... but I'd really prefer to be hopeful. My advice? If you wanna live your life, be someone that really live with your "brains" or your "heart". What happens when your brain and heart try to work on the same problem? You get a messed up monkey like me.
I've had sleepless nights for the past few days. I had nightmares and ended up waking at 2 -3 in the morning, gasping or palpitating from those dreams. My first string of nightmare began as a result of worry & guilt towards a friend of mine. Just when I can't help feeling restless and lost with those feelings, it had to continue in my dreams. I think I've let her down in some way. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever wanna do but in some twist of fate, I think I've just done that. If there was anything to make things right again, I'd certainly do it.
The following night was also torturous! Just when I thought I could sleep peacefully, I had to dream of work! Isn't working 8 hours a day enough already? Guess it shows how stressful work can be and hazardous to one's mind. Same thing again, I woke up in the middle of the night sweating in a room with a temperature of 24 Celcius.
People often say good luck/bad luck comes in three... so I hit the jackpot again last night. There was just too much bugging my mind before I went to bed. "what to do?" "should I?" "Is this right?" and kerpowwww! Nightmare 3! This time, in my dreams, I lost someone dear... I was really relieved when I woke up from bed, know that it was just only a dream.
Restless pretty much sums up the feeling...
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Goodbye...
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Love is blind but not stupid...
Love is blind but not stupid... Someone recently told me this and it does ring a bell or two. I couldn't have agreed more with her. Then again, if love is blind... I am clearly stupid.
How does one weigh love and affection? Full commitment to oneself? Or how do you want to be loved? We yearn for any understanding partner but yet are we understanding at our end? Love isn't just about giving your all to a person. It involves great sacrifices, tolerance, patience and above all your unconditional care. I guess that is how you derive the "love is blind" statement. Loves becomes stupid when you hurt yourself too much. Or when you start to calculate too much or too little that he/she did then something is definitely wrong... So deal with it.
When a relationship ends, it usually leads to some sort of frustration. A feeling that something that's unsettled, restlessness because it could've been better, IF it went this way and so on... but why look back anymore and dwell in it. Let what's past be the past and move on... We learn from the mistake and apply it to someone different. I believe everyone are nice in their own way but if it doesn't suit you, then its not meant for you. The analogy? If you like the shoe but it doesn't fit you no matter what... What do you do? Try to wear it even though its tight or slightly loose? That's still acceptable but you feel the pain in the long run. BUT what if it just is too small or too big? You can't blame the shoe for being not your size isn't it? Just leave it, find another shoe that you love. You still love that shoe but you have to pick another one coz it doesn't fit. So does it mean that you're not gonna love your new shoe?
Another person also said that sometimes when you dearly love someone, it doesn't mean that you have to be with them. My reply was "so true... yet so sad but true". As the Chinese saying goes "Yau Yuen Mou Fan".
Back in the good ol' school days, love was simple. Boy loves girl, girl loves boy, boy tells girl, girl accepts boy, boy & girl giggles all the way... So that was it... The world of black and white. Grey? what is that?
When we grow, we learn that life's just not that simple. Yes, even when you love someone. Love isn't just loving a person anymore. Ideal relationship? There's no such thing if nobody works for it. Are we all that ethical in love? Just ask yourself and keep it to ourselves. There can never be a true black and white in feelings. So most often we end up dating a person we have the "it" factor most but still, we love the people around us.
When you've loved, or found love before... You will understand that it can never be a clear cut between you and your ex. This especially happens when the relationship ended mutually or when a person was asked to be parted. Even when if you were the person who initiated the break-up, you'd still care for the other person because you placed your heart and soul to the relationship before. However, the care and love is an entirely different feeling from those that are in a relationship. Unless, I'd dare say that your previous love isn't love at all but sheer infatuation, admiration and nothing else deeper than that, you will be able to fling your previous partner off just like that.
How bout Platonic relationships? Do you believe in them? I do ... Sometimes the opposite sex are just slightly more observant about oneself which really is comforting. Take your best friend, one whom you hang out a lot with, share secrets with, be together on every memorable moments with and replace it with a person of the opposite sex. It isn't that hard to imagine right? Well, the only problem or point of argument is, doesn't that sound like your girl/boyfriend already? So lets rewind again... close friend, does everything together... same sex... Does that mean I'm gay?
Its really a whole different kind of feeling between your friend and partner. I'd say I love my friend but its not the same type of love or affection that we shower to our partner. If you ask me, I'd put my partner in priority to my friend but then again, because they are my close friend, I'd do the extra mile for them too. I don't mind doing silly things or difficult tasks for my buddies, coz they are my close companion. If you wanna be jealous, just ask yourself how often do we do that for them when compared to our partner? Often jealously occur and heck I am one of them if my girlfriend ever had a close guy mate. Well, I am trying to be as understanding as much as I can but sometimes we're human after all. What's important is that we know our weaknesses and try to work it out. Then again, who am i to judge because I have close girl mates as well. If we chose that particular person, we gotta have a faith in them, our decision in choosing the right partner. After all, isn't relationships all about trust?
Alas, trust alone won't work and its not a black & white world we're living in. Tolerance & understanding is pretty much important in a relationship. Lets face it, we gotta give and take in a relationship. Before that, here's an equation love != relationship. In fact, I think it should be put as Relationship = Love + trust + tolerance + understanding + care. Love is only a part of the relationship so don't go whining "you don't love me anymore". Understand this too, before a relationship started, each and everyone had their own lives and there are things that are important to them.
Starting a relationship meant adding a new value to life and also making little sacrifices as well along the way. Simply put, that to gain anything in life, something must be given up. A person gives up some of the time with their family, time with their friends, time with etc and places it into a new slot called Love. While a person is wiling to give up certain things in life for you, there are certain things that they cannot give up for you. For that is what's unique about them and what makes them the way they are. One cannot just simply demand that they give up what's important to them and argue that he/she is less important. That would only be foolish for you are trying to take the person in whole. Think about it yourself. Doesn't everyone have a certain thing that is important to them? What if your partner ask you to drop them out? Are you willing to drop anything at all that your partner asks you to? This is where tolerance & understanding come in place. If you can't change something, you've just gotta learn to respect one's wish. Either deal with it or lose it. It doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you or you are less important. It is something that's just on a different category of importance. Parents -Best Friend - Partner... How do you compare ??? Do you love your mother more than I do? Isn't just silly? They are equally important if you ask me.
You hear the term "white lies are ok". And why not? If a lie is for the better of a situation, wouldn't you tell it? Lies are bad but white lies... tell me who doesn't tell a little lie? I've told white lies... so tell me... you be the judge for those who've known me... am I wicked? Do I need to slapped with a huge "SAMAN!"?
Try not to cling to the word love as a reason for everything... its only a part of a relationship if you are ever looking for one. After all, love is only a feeling...
enerix: "No feeling is ever permanent. God created it that way so we don't have to suffer when we lose someone. The only way to prolong a feeling is that you renew it yourself..."
"No one is made a mind reader. While some might be observant, they will never be accurate all the time because people change along the way. God also intentionally made people not a mind reader... yeah, of coz it'd be good and convenient but say goodbye to freedom of privacy."
I give up... am very confused & disappointed.
-anti-social-
How does one weigh love and affection? Full commitment to oneself? Or how do you want to be loved? We yearn for any understanding partner but yet are we understanding at our end? Love isn't just about giving your all to a person. It involves great sacrifices, tolerance, patience and above all your unconditional care. I guess that is how you derive the "love is blind" statement. Loves becomes stupid when you hurt yourself too much. Or when you start to calculate too much or too little that he/she did then something is definitely wrong... So deal with it.
When a relationship ends, it usually leads to some sort of frustration. A feeling that something that's unsettled, restlessness because it could've been better, IF it went this way and so on... but why look back anymore and dwell in it. Let what's past be the past and move on... We learn from the mistake and apply it to someone different. I believe everyone are nice in their own way but if it doesn't suit you, then its not meant for you. The analogy? If you like the shoe but it doesn't fit you no matter what... What do you do? Try to wear it even though its tight or slightly loose? That's still acceptable but you feel the pain in the long run. BUT what if it just is too small or too big? You can't blame the shoe for being not your size isn't it? Just leave it, find another shoe that you love. You still love that shoe but you have to pick another one coz it doesn't fit. So does it mean that you're not gonna love your new shoe?
Another person also said that sometimes when you dearly love someone, it doesn't mean that you have to be with them. My reply was "so true... yet so sad but true". As the Chinese saying goes "Yau Yuen Mou Fan".
Back in the good ol' school days, love was simple. Boy loves girl, girl loves boy, boy tells girl, girl accepts boy, boy & girl giggles all the way... So that was it... The world of black and white. Grey? what is that?
When we grow, we learn that life's just not that simple. Yes, even when you love someone. Love isn't just loving a person anymore. Ideal relationship? There's no such thing if nobody works for it. Are we all that ethical in love? Just ask yourself and keep it to ourselves. There can never be a true black and white in feelings. So most often we end up dating a person we have the "it" factor most but still, we love the people around us.
When you've loved, or found love before... You will understand that it can never be a clear cut between you and your ex. This especially happens when the relationship ended mutually or when a person was asked to be parted. Even when if you were the person who initiated the break-up, you'd still care for the other person because you placed your heart and soul to the relationship before. However, the care and love is an entirely different feeling from those that are in a relationship. Unless, I'd dare say that your previous love isn't love at all but sheer infatuation, admiration and nothing else deeper than that, you will be able to fling your previous partner off just like that.
How bout Platonic relationships? Do you believe in them? I do ... Sometimes the opposite sex are just slightly more observant about oneself which really is comforting. Take your best friend, one whom you hang out a lot with, share secrets with, be together on every memorable moments with and replace it with a person of the opposite sex. It isn't that hard to imagine right? Well, the only problem or point of argument is, doesn't that sound like your girl/boyfriend already? So lets rewind again... close friend, does everything together... same sex... Does that mean I'm gay?
Its really a whole different kind of feeling between your friend and partner. I'd say I love my friend but its not the same type of love or affection that we shower to our partner. If you ask me, I'd put my partner in priority to my friend but then again, because they are my close friend, I'd do the extra mile for them too. I don't mind doing silly things or difficult tasks for my buddies, coz they are my close companion. If you wanna be jealous, just ask yourself how often do we do that for them when compared to our partner? Often jealously occur and heck I am one of them if my girlfriend ever had a close guy mate. Well, I am trying to be as understanding as much as I can but sometimes we're human after all. What's important is that we know our weaknesses and try to work it out. Then again, who am i to judge because I have close girl mates as well. If we chose that particular person, we gotta have a faith in them, our decision in choosing the right partner. After all, isn't relationships all about trust?
Alas, trust alone won't work and its not a black & white world we're living in. Tolerance & understanding is pretty much important in a relationship. Lets face it, we gotta give and take in a relationship. Before that, here's an equation love != relationship. In fact, I think it should be put as Relationship = Love + trust + tolerance + understanding + care. Love is only a part of the relationship so don't go whining "you don't love me anymore". Understand this too, before a relationship started, each and everyone had their own lives and there are things that are important to them.
Starting a relationship meant adding a new value to life and also making little sacrifices as well along the way. Simply put, that to gain anything in life, something must be given up. A person gives up some of the time with their family, time with their friends, time with etc and places it into a new slot called Love. While a person is wiling to give up certain things in life for you, there are certain things that they cannot give up for you. For that is what's unique about them and what makes them the way they are. One cannot just simply demand that they give up what's important to them and argue that he/she is less important. That would only be foolish for you are trying to take the person in whole. Think about it yourself. Doesn't everyone have a certain thing that is important to them? What if your partner ask you to drop them out? Are you willing to drop anything at all that your partner asks you to? This is where tolerance & understanding come in place. If you can't change something, you've just gotta learn to respect one's wish. Either deal with it or lose it. It doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you or you are less important. It is something that's just on a different category of importance. Parents -Best Friend - Partner... How do you compare ??? Do you love your mother more than I do? Isn't just silly? They are equally important if you ask me.
You hear the term "white lies are ok". And why not? If a lie is for the better of a situation, wouldn't you tell it? Lies are bad but white lies... tell me who doesn't tell a little lie? I've told white lies... so tell me... you be the judge for those who've known me... am I wicked? Do I need to slapped with a huge "SAMAN!"?
Try not to cling to the word love as a reason for everything... its only a part of a relationship if you are ever looking for one. After all, love is only a feeling...
enerix: "No feeling is ever permanent. God created it that way so we don't have to suffer when we lose someone. The only way to prolong a feeling is that you renew it yourself..."
"No one is made a mind reader. While some might be observant, they will never be accurate all the time because people change along the way. God also intentionally made people not a mind reader... yeah, of coz it'd be good and convenient but say goodbye to freedom of privacy."
I give up... am very confused & disappointed.
-anti-social-
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Bad Day
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey
You tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey
You tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Dear Diary...
Dear you,
How have you been up till now? It has been quite some time since I ever talked to you hasn't it? Many things have happened since the last I saw you, yet so little things that I can describe to you. I'm really sorry for not writing or talking to you.
I guess I haven't been myself at all in these few months. SO much has changed and I really am confused with myself. I couldn't find the right words to speak to you because I couldn't find the right words to present to you. I did wrote to you many times, but always get stuck in the middle of my own words. Probably I thought that there were nothing worth for you to keep in mind about. Perhaps I overlooked again, and failed to realize that all you wanted what to know the bits and chips of my daily life... I know that I would be interested to hear your words, from your lips... if that is ever possible.
It took some time to realize that, everyday is a day to be cherished. Nothing is to plain or boring to tell you. For you are miles away, the only way to keep our distance close was to let you in on our lives. I don't think that you can ever reply me, but I'll make the first step anyways to let you know how I've been doing. Perhaps one day, someone will pick this up and exchange messages with me. So until then, I'll try and promise to keep on writing, till the day we pick each other up away from the gloomy feelings.
Have you ever been stuck at difficult choices in life? I sure have a hell'o lot of it. I guess the question is, how do you measure happiness? Do you thrive for the best? If so, when would you be contented? The term "don't be greedy" alway come in mind but yet, "always strive for the best" is advised. Again, the most logical explanation is to use the advice at a proper time and situation.
I've been unhappy yet contented at the same time. So tell me... what should I do? Should I strive for happiness and leave my sense of fulfillment behind for the unknown? While many has told me that we should alway seek for happiness but yet, is there a way to be truly happy? Nobody knows... Its been a circular journey so far; Every time I moved ahead, I end up at the same position again... Feeling bitter rather than sweet.
Somehow it felt like my struggles in life is all meaningless. I've had dreams, goals & wishes. What has happened to them I wonder... All crushed to bits by the waves that hit me hard. Did I not try hard enough? or was it just too much to handle? Despite feeling dark and down, I always carried a glimpse of light called hope. It was the hope that kept me moving, hoping that one day things will turn for the better, and on... building up the dreams together with the person I cherish most.
Yet again, HOPE is such a strong yet brittle word. My light is dimming day by day... I wonder how long would it keep burning? Perhaps I am just too tired, too frustrated with myself. I guess that its time to take a break... A holiday... A long vacation...
and If someday I do return from my journey, or even crossed your path... Would you be my hope, my light? In return, I promise that you'll always be kept close in my heart and soul, like a beautiful fairy tale where both you and me find our happily ever after, Together...
-ramblings of a semi-conscious other me...-
How have you been up till now? It has been quite some time since I ever talked to you hasn't it? Many things have happened since the last I saw you, yet so little things that I can describe to you. I'm really sorry for not writing or talking to you.
I guess I haven't been myself at all in these few months. SO much has changed and I really am confused with myself. I couldn't find the right words to speak to you because I couldn't find the right words to present to you. I did wrote to you many times, but always get stuck in the middle of my own words. Probably I thought that there were nothing worth for you to keep in mind about. Perhaps I overlooked again, and failed to realize that all you wanted what to know the bits and chips of my daily life... I know that I would be interested to hear your words, from your lips... if that is ever possible.
It took some time to realize that, everyday is a day to be cherished. Nothing is to plain or boring to tell you. For you are miles away, the only way to keep our distance close was to let you in on our lives. I don't think that you can ever reply me, but I'll make the first step anyways to let you know how I've been doing. Perhaps one day, someone will pick this up and exchange messages with me. So until then, I'll try and promise to keep on writing, till the day we pick each other up away from the gloomy feelings.
Have you ever been stuck at difficult choices in life? I sure have a hell'o lot of it. I guess the question is, how do you measure happiness? Do you thrive for the best? If so, when would you be contented? The term "don't be greedy" alway come in mind but yet, "always strive for the best" is advised. Again, the most logical explanation is to use the advice at a proper time and situation.
I've been unhappy yet contented at the same time. So tell me... what should I do? Should I strive for happiness and leave my sense of fulfillment behind for the unknown? While many has told me that we should alway seek for happiness but yet, is there a way to be truly happy? Nobody knows... Its been a circular journey so far; Every time I moved ahead, I end up at the same position again... Feeling bitter rather than sweet.
Somehow it felt like my struggles in life is all meaningless. I've had dreams, goals & wishes. What has happened to them I wonder... All crushed to bits by the waves that hit me hard. Did I not try hard enough? or was it just too much to handle? Despite feeling dark and down, I always carried a glimpse of light called hope. It was the hope that kept me moving, hoping that one day things will turn for the better, and on... building up the dreams together with the person I cherish most.
Yet again, HOPE is such a strong yet brittle word. My light is dimming day by day... I wonder how long would it keep burning? Perhaps I am just too tired, too frustrated with myself. I guess that its time to take a break... A holiday... A long vacation...
and If someday I do return from my journey, or even crossed your path... Would you be my hope, my light? In return, I promise that you'll always be kept close in my heart and soul, like a beautiful fairy tale where both you and me find our happily ever after, Together...
-ramblings of a semi-conscious other me...-
Monday, January 21, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Closure
Who is responsible when someone did something to you that you hated? While it might seem that the initiator being the baddie, this isn't always true for people living with different understandings. So how do you hate a person for not knowing what you like or dislike?
Cartoons do make a lot of sense at times. Remember the scene in Chicken Little where Abby Mallard told Chicken Little about having closure with his dad? When both party aren't communicating well enough, it would only spell misunderstanding. If you're never going to be honest about your feelings, then nobody will understand you. I really do think that we need to be more honest about how we feel in building a good relationship with anyone that we treasure.
Working in a global environment reminded me that there are many people in the world. We are all different people, with different names, background, and culture. So how do we work together as a team? It really is difficult and sometimes offensive when you don't understand a certain people's action. For example, a "thumbs up" in a country (i've forgotten where but its true) means the opposite to "excellent" in our terms. It is important for both of us to understand each other's cultures and habit, so that you might not get offended. From there on, we mutually develop an understanding to respect our differences.
Sometimes I just don't understand why people prefer to hide their emotions so deep inside. While it means privacy to you... we must learn to express ourselves a little so that people will know you better, and learn how to respect and treat you better. Who can you blame when someone did things that hurt your feelings? How would've anyone know if you never expressed or made known you hate something.
While there are a few "gifted" people who are sensitive enough to know what you think by just looking at your actions, there are only a handful of people around you that is capable of doing that. Still, we are never born mind readers and humans, do change in time. So what might be accurate now might not be the same for good.
From a personal point of view, I find it very hard to grasp and somewhat annoying when a person has an issue with you but don't try to work it out. Rather, they expect you to realize what they dislike and the irony is, they try so hard to hide the fact that they DO hate it. I believe you can't hate people out of your own expectations. Its only fair to say that you're disappointed when someone failed your expectation, with prior knowledge that they knew what was expected from them.
Think of it... you want to be mysterious, yet you want people understand you. So which is the actual intention? Its really ironic... I felt like I'm like this too at times... but I realize sometimes to get things moving, you have to be honest yourself first to get the rest of the world moving. Only because everyone is afraid to get hurt, someone must be bold enough to make a move... who knows... the world will revolve in your favour...
Cartoons do make a lot of sense at times. Remember the scene in Chicken Little where Abby Mallard told Chicken Little about having closure with his dad? When both party aren't communicating well enough, it would only spell misunderstanding. If you're never going to be honest about your feelings, then nobody will understand you. I really do think that we need to be more honest about how we feel in building a good relationship with anyone that we treasure.
Working in a global environment reminded me that there are many people in the world. We are all different people, with different names, background, and culture. So how do we work together as a team? It really is difficult and sometimes offensive when you don't understand a certain people's action. For example, a "thumbs up" in a country (i've forgotten where but its true) means the opposite to "excellent" in our terms. It is important for both of us to understand each other's cultures and habit, so that you might not get offended. From there on, we mutually develop an understanding to respect our differences.
Sometimes I just don't understand why people prefer to hide their emotions so deep inside. While it means privacy to you... we must learn to express ourselves a little so that people will know you better, and learn how to respect and treat you better. Who can you blame when someone did things that hurt your feelings? How would've anyone know if you never expressed or made known you hate something.
While there are a few "gifted" people who are sensitive enough to know what you think by just looking at your actions, there are only a handful of people around you that is capable of doing that. Still, we are never born mind readers and humans, do change in time. So what might be accurate now might not be the same for good.
From a personal point of view, I find it very hard to grasp and somewhat annoying when a person has an issue with you but don't try to work it out. Rather, they expect you to realize what they dislike and the irony is, they try so hard to hide the fact that they DO hate it. I believe you can't hate people out of your own expectations. Its only fair to say that you're disappointed when someone failed your expectation, with prior knowledge that they knew what was expected from them.
Think of it... you want to be mysterious, yet you want people understand you. So which is the actual intention? Its really ironic... I felt like I'm like this too at times... but I realize sometimes to get things moving, you have to be honest yourself first to get the rest of the world moving. Only because everyone is afraid to get hurt, someone must be bold enough to make a move... who knows... the world will revolve in your favour...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Hello World.
I've been missing for months now... Just moved to a new house about a month ago and I was internet-less for these few weeks! Oh the agony of no internet. I just realized how empty the PC would be without the internet. I had to get through a lot of crap just to get the PC hooked up to the net. Its a freaking long story so probably I'll write a separate post on it when I have the time.
Firstly Happy New Year to everyone! This would be my first post of the year and there's just so much to recap and tell... but, am really lazy now + I've been having the headache since morning. So... I'll keep my grand-uncle stories for the next post.
Shout-out to everyone: I'm sorry for the mistakes I've done, Sorry for the times I hurt you bad, Sorry for the hutang I hutang so long... hehehe (i'd Maybank2U earlier but there was the internet issue for over a month). So... looking forward to a great new year with all of you, my pals, my darlings, my imaginary friends, my pocket...
Firstly Happy New Year to everyone! This would be my first post of the year and there's just so much to recap and tell... but, am really lazy now + I've been having the headache since morning. So... I'll keep my grand-uncle stories for the next post.
Shout-out to everyone: I'm sorry for the mistakes I've done, Sorry for the times I hurt you bad, Sorry for the hutang I hutang so long... hehehe (i'd Maybank2U earlier but there was the internet issue for over a month). So... looking forward to a great new year with all of you, my pals, my darlings, my imaginary friends, my pocket...
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