Monday, July 28, 2008

The longest sigh...

why is it so hard to trust someone whom you know and has been there for you for years? funny how we chose to trust a perfect stranger but not the one you've know before... afraid to be hurt again? who doesnt... but we are all humans... we make mistakes and we learn from it... second chances? don't you wish for a second chance too if you ever did something wrong? sigh...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Weekends...

I hate weekends... Back then, Friday would mean a whole lot to me. Looking forward to the weekends to see the person dearest. Now its just a routine, empty days...

When will this be over?

Friday, July 18, 2008

Why...

People can be very dishonest to themselves at times. Why? Because of your principles? Love can never be a rational thing... If it were, it wouldn't be love... would it?

Why is it when you want something, you wait for it to happen? Why don't we take the intiative ourselves? Why... torment yourself... and the people you love... and the people who loves you back...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

A transformation

I am turning into an irritable person although I tried hard of not to. Someone told me, you know... whatever state of mind you are in now, you are just like "...". Play the reversal role now. Put myself in that shoe... and I know what I am crazing over, think of is utterly futile. Oh yes... I know them all too well...

But what? perhaps I am just being hopeful... Why must one be so pessimistic? Or am I just cheating myself? Just look at how it is now... Detestable... I am being stubborn but its something I chose. Why do you wanna give up on something that you finally realized is something you wanted all along? Perhaps it bears no fruit by the end of the day, bt perhaps it will. Nobody know... aren't we all being hopeful?

Sometimes, its not about being better off. Its not about better opportunity or finding someone better. Its all about fate. Love is the strangest thing which people just can't explain. We do silly things... though it might be difficult but its the outcome and matters.

Yes, it definitely takes two to work... but look at it this way... it has to start somewhere? Someone has to make the move else there will be nowhere... Timing too is a factor... sometimes when the time isn't right, you just can't budge it. Just when the time is right, puzzle pieces will fall into place.

Opps... So am I contradicting myself now? Yes... I am again... Patience is the key... but I am impatient... Time will tell it all... perhaps I will change in time too, learn to let go and find happiness elsewhere... but I am sure as of what I want now after all that's happened. I take my stand. Just hope that I am emotionally strong enough to live through it.

I really wonder how you did it... its tough... I realize...

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I loved you too late...

It always begins with 2 person knowing each other; of course! else where won't be a story to tell... All my life, I've yearned the TLC of a partner and it is my own dream to be able to care & love a person with my all.

Usually it all starts with a spark, love at first sight or whatever you call it.. but it usually doesn't work at all for me. Why? probably because you lose your common sense the moment you fall straight for a person. I've seen and been through a lot of heartaches because of this. Still it was good experience and it taught me a thing or two.

I've been through a few long term relationships but I would dare say that I couldn't be more happier on my last encounter. Why and what makes it so special? She's the person whom I spent some time with, slowly fell for her, gave my all to her courtship and she nodded to me when I told her of how I felt. If this was a movie, it was already a happily ever after.

I was at cloud 9, couldn't believe the answer I got (of course I was damn happy), butterflies and everything. I secretly told God, (thank you thank you thank you thank you... she's all I could ever dream of). Life has never been that great up till that point. Someone whom actually I loved really did love me in return!

I was shy at first... probably still can't believe that I've got such a lovely girl by my side. I still could recall the very first day I held her hands. I tried to reach out my hand, then pulled it back and again... well... it took me long enough to do so and when we held hands... I just blushed... That feeling was great.

She cared a lot for me and I'd love very much to pamper her. Her gestures, her concerns... it was all so sweet. We had a lot of plans going on... this little thing, that little thing... and it was sweet. Life was just never boring and what was once gloomy I soon had forgotten.

From a low self-esteemed person, I couldn't be much prouder. I was very proud of my partner and still very much at cloud 9. It was all ideal, we never had any arguements or that was what I told her. "let's not be like other couples that argue, we should talk things out if there's anything wrong". Maybe... that was just too ideal. Still it was very much like a perfect dream, my perfect partner on our very first anniversary.

As years passed, we slowly fell into the old couple category... we argued a little and life just got routine. Perhaps it was just too comfortable that we took it for granted....

And here, is truly where my story begins...

Never should you doubt the one you love and care... You'd live to regret it, and now I know... it hurts a lot and what can you do except for accepting this fact already? Never doubt your own feelings as well... I was stupid... silly... lost somewhere in between with questions like if i still loved her that much, or even if its what I really want.

People, you will all never know until the ultimate punishment chases after you. You will only know how much you value it until its gone... Sad but true... and probably humans are just being themselves, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being let down...

Trust is really hard to gain... once lost... you might not be so lucky to earn a second chance. While some are lucky enough some are not. Why? I always asked myself... to err is to human...

I take blame for part of what's happened... I admit and won't run... Its really tough when you try to struggle against the odds... against the tide. Once you realized something but only to find it too late, it kills... so what now?

Like a broken player, the memories rewinds itself over and over... sweet yet sad. I've learnt my lesson... yes i do... only if i could... i tell myself... only if...

all I can say is... I loved you too late...

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

My love will get you home...

Dear...



If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Ignorance is bliss

Sometimes being "too smart" or informative isn't a good thing. As the saying, ignorance is bliss... The more you dig, the deeper the hole gets but without a proper verdict, you'll always be playing assumptions.

Found out too much and of course but not everything, which makes it a dangerous and difficult position. I would like to think otherwise... give the benefit of doubt.. positive. So am I just fooling myself? Or is the truth just plain simple?

That... no one will know unless it comes from the mouth of the witness...

Objection! ... too much of Phoenix Wright games lately....

Friday, July 04, 2008

Sempurna...

yes... humans are stupid... only to realize what's important when things are lost...

...this is for you...



Kau begitu sempurna
Di mataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu
Di setiap langkahku
Ku kan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa ku bayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

*Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Tak kan mampu menghadapi semua,
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku, lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu,

sempurna....

Kau genggam tanganku
saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikan kata yang hapus semua sesalku
(*)

Please just kill me

2nd hell started... who would give a damn? just kill me...