I loved you too late...

It always begins with 2 person knowing each other; of course! else where won't be a story to tell... All my life, I've yearned the TLC of a partner and it is my own dream to be able to care & love a person with my all.

Usually it all starts with a spark, love at first sight or whatever you call it.. but it usually doesn't work at all for me. Why? probably because you lose your common sense the moment you fall straight for a person. I've seen and been through a lot of heartaches because of this. Still it was good experience and it taught me a thing or two.

I've been through a few long term relationships but I would dare say that I couldn't be more happier on my last encounter. Why and what makes it so special? She's the person whom I spent some time with, slowly fell for her, gave my all to her courtship and she nodded to me when I told her of how I felt. If this was a movie, it was already a happily ever after.

I was at cloud 9, couldn't believe the answer I got (of course I was damn happy), butterflies and everything. I secretly told God, (thank you thank you thank you thank you... she's all I could ever dream of). Life has never been that great up till that point. Someone whom actually I loved really did love me in return!

I was shy at first... probably still can't believe that I've got such a lovely girl by my side. I still could recall the very first day I held her hands. I tried to reach out my hand, then pulled it back and again... well... it took me long enough to do so and when we held hands... I just blushed... That feeling was great.

She cared a lot for me and I'd love very much to pamper her. Her gestures, her concerns... it was all so sweet. We had a lot of plans going on... this little thing, that little thing... and it was sweet. Life was just never boring and what was once gloomy I soon had forgotten.

From a low self-esteemed person, I couldn't be much prouder. I was very proud of my partner and still very much at cloud 9. It was all ideal, we never had any arguements or that was what I told her. "let's not be like other couples that argue, we should talk things out if there's anything wrong". Maybe... that was just too ideal. Still it was very much like a perfect dream, my perfect partner on our very first anniversary.

As years passed, we slowly fell into the old couple category... we argued a little and life just got routine. Perhaps it was just too comfortable that we took it for granted....

And here, is truly where my story begins...

Never should you doubt the one you love and care... You'd live to regret it, and now I know... it hurts a lot and what can you do except for accepting this fact already? Never doubt your own feelings as well... I was stupid... silly... lost somewhere in between with questions like if i still loved her that much, or even if its what I really want.

People, you will all never know until the ultimate punishment chases after you. You will only know how much you value it until its gone... Sad but true... and probably humans are just being themselves, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being let down...

Trust is really hard to gain... once lost... you might not be so lucky to earn a second chance. While some are lucky enough some are not. Why? I always asked myself... to err is to human...

I take blame for part of what's happened... I admit and won't run... Its really tough when you try to struggle against the odds... against the tide. Once you realized something but only to find it too late, it kills... so what now?

Like a broken player, the memories rewinds itself over and over... sweet yet sad. I've learnt my lesson... yes i do... only if i could... i tell myself... only if...

all I can say is... I loved you too late...