Mmmbop / I will come to you...

L: Been on a lyric spree... Feels like I'm drownin in all of it.

MmmBop (click for vid)

You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.

Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.

Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.

Chorus:

MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do

Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.

Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.


I Will Come to You... (Click for vid)

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

I will come to you

'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand

I'll reach out and take your hand

Oh I will come to you
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

I will come to you,
Oh I will come to you

L: This song goes to myself...

U make me wanna...

always loved this one... oh crap! HAHAHA

To start it off I know you know me
To come to think of it, it was only last week.
That I had a dream about us, oh.
That's why I am here, I'm writing this song.
To tell the truth you know I have been hurting all along,
Someway let me know, you want me girl.

Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
Baby that's why:

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

Well I know that these feelings won't end no, no.
They'll just get stronger if I see you again.
Baby I'm tired of being friends.
I wanna know if you feel the same
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?
Don't leave me in doubt.

Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
And baby that's why:

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

I'll take you home real quick
And sit you down on the couch
Pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out.
Baby we can make sweet love.
Then we'll take it nice and slow.
I'm gonna touch you like you've never know before
We're gonna make love all night.

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

untitled.

Lost

Blog you later...

~taking a break~

Like a bolt of thunder, it struck... almost inevitable, so certain like death... will there be miracles?

enerix: Like Newton with his apple drop, it just struck me dumbfound. My time around is limited... There is only so much time till the day where we need to part ways... the countdown begins...

Battle...

You thought we'd be fine
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why aren't you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try!

You've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and im feelin like we've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call (Why'd you have to let it go)
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know (cant you see you hurt me soo)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try!

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call....
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know(cant you see you hurt me so)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
this can be better, we can be happy, try!

This is a battle and its your final last call

The End...

In Loving Memory,

Eugene Lim

26th May 2008

A part of me died on this day...
-Messed up but loved you-

27 Dec 2004 - 26 May 2008
(3 yrs 5 mths)

Won't you walk with me? (sane writing)

It has been an awful long week since... since I can even remember. It all just happened so quick and my reflexes are catching up late. What am I feeling now? Hollow... Empty... Numb... that's what I'd tell you. Am I sad? I can't tell at all. Been repeating this quite often now; I have no tears, yet I couldn't put up a happy smile.

Sometimes I'd just stare blankly out to space, wasting the minutes of the hour just like that. What's to regret? and no one's to blame for anything like this to happen. Don't know... maybe really sendiri "lor lei jin". I am getting insane... probably just a bit... Work's also particularly irritating recently. I'm slowly transforming into a salarymen, with those usual problems with office; boss, boss's boss, somebody's boss, and the difficult people that you gotta deal with.

With everything that's happening recently... I can only say a thing, TROUBLESOME!. Sometimes I just wish I can dream it all off from my routine. In times like this... I believe I've some sort of saw God. Believe it or not, these things are eeriely true at times you need it the most. I went to church one day, willingly... yes.. you heard me right... the once table sitting, I'm never satisfied with your answers, nerve wrecking fool in moral classes is actually going there. It all just falls into place like the puzzle pieces coming together, at the right place and right time. Even so, Eugenism still rules! It was all cool and listening to advices that relates and makes sense really is comforting.

I've realized a lot during these times. I've changed... a lot. From the innocent kampung boy, I've transformed into a wicked little bugger. The only thing I realize didn't change was my indecisiveness on most of everything. I'm never here nor there. I just couldn't make up my mind. I've made up my mind on several occasions in life but, there's always a but... so... but... it somehow changes along time and I am back at square one.

Probably this all that's happened is a sign... an omen of sort. To tell me that its time to start anew. I will... I promise. Its time to get things straight, pull myself up together and start making life more meaningful. I'd of course appreciate the hand and company to pull it through... so won't you walk with me? yes... you...

:)

Won't you walk with me?

It has been cloudy week,
It has been a hollow week.
I laugh an empty laugh,
I smile an empty smile.

I am sad but I couldn't cry,
I am happy but I couldn't fly.
The bitter just isn't bitter,
The sweet doesn't get sweeter.

I used to whine,
I used to mind.
The days I miss her,
Was the day my mem'ries linger.

But do not pity, for pitiful I am not...


Fark... I never meant to rhyme...

So much has happened,
So much has changed.
In days like this it makes me wonder.
In times like this my does heart ponder.

In crossroads now... I have to re-evaluate myself.
Getting a hold of the inside me... the other me...
In time I hope, I will return.
I hope it all, to start anew.

Only One...

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one


e: can't believe i'm sobering over saddistic songs...

Realize

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

The Ego Has Landed

Gone are the days of hopeful,
Gone are the days of patience,
Gone are the days of tolerance,
Gone are the days of happiness...

Came are the days of despair,
Came are the days of retaliation,
Came are the days of refutation,
Came are the days of sorrow...

The ego... has finally landed.

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

If life is about hopping past obstacles, then these days truly have been those difficult ones. Be it work, home or life personally I believe that its finally at those important crossroads that determine my life in the next few years.

Wished I could be someone who tells everyone that I love my work. Work... is work... and it really is envious for those who found their pleasure at work. But because life is not just about enjoying, there are moments of reality that one needs to face. Well, probably I wasn't brave enough to embrace the difficulties that I was about to endure if I really did go into my field of interest. Scrawny pay, long working hours, and so on... The first thing that crossed my mind was, how the heck am I gonna afford to raise a family in that condition?

I am, in some sort of way satisfied with my job now. Although not what I intended to do, it is still something that I chose considering the options to get a decent pay and make a living with a family in mind. I am trying to be as independent as much possible from my parents although the fact that I am parasiting at home ... still... :P Yeah... back to the job... its really gotten a whole lot steeper and not one can I can remember of not being forgetful and yelled at in office. Something is just missing from my life. I know I could push further but somehow I am feeling the missing puzzle somewhere... Similar to the feeling of being home, I feel incompetent at work. Really wished that I won't have to depend on ppl too much. Rather, I'd like to be someone helpful at work for a change...

Being at home... well, I guess my family has gotten used to my silence and isolation in the room. They used to make a whole bunch of noises and complaints about my routine at home. Its not that I've change or anything like that... I haven't been living with my parents for roughly 6 years now. Although I enjoy staying home relaxing, I ain't exactly a home person. I remember back to as young as 13, I enjoyed staying away from my parents. Homesick only meant sick of home rather than missing it. When will I be able to roam free again? The feeling of being home in your own home is really comforting. I also get this feeling of staying at home... "the more i stay home, the more arguments will come up at home". We will always be kids to our parents so nothing we say will ever go in properly to their ears... and this really is pissing off at times. Adjusting to home is just... another weird task...

I'm feeling really f*cked up recently... Whatever that I stood or believed in actually is heading for a U-turn. Was I being too idealistic? Or is it just plain naive of my thoughts? Probably there was something which I should have done in a long time, but I just couldn't. Someone told me... "Its just so like you"... I was speechless for a moment... but I'd really prefer to be hopeful. My advice? If you wanna live your life, be someone that really live with your "brains" or your "heart". What happens when your brain and heart try to work on the same problem? You get a messed up monkey like me.

I've had sleepless nights for the past few days. I had nightmares and ended up waking at 2 -3 in the morning, gasping or palpitating from those dreams. My first string of nightmare began as a result of worry & guilt towards a friend of mine. Just when I can't help feeling restless and lost with those feelings, it had to continue in my dreams. I think I've let her down in some way. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever wanna do but in some twist of fate, I think I've just done that. If there was anything to make things right again, I'd certainly do it.

The following night was also torturous! Just when I thought I could sleep peacefully, I had to dream of work! Isn't working 8 hours a day enough already? Guess it shows how stressful work can be and hazardous to one's mind. Same thing again, I woke up in the middle of the night sweating in a room with a temperature of 24 Celcius.

People often say good luck/bad luck comes in three... so I hit the jackpot again last night. There was just too much bugging my mind before I went to bed. "what to do?" "should I?" "Is this right?" and kerpowwww! Nightmare 3! This time, in my dreams, I lost someone dear... I was really relieved when I woke up from bed, know that it was just only a dream.

Restless pretty much sums up the feeling...

I'm confused...

What am I holding on to?

Goodbye...

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

I see...

Childish!

Love is blind but not stupid...

Love is blind but not stupid... Someone recently told me this and it does ring a bell or two. I couldn't have agreed more with her. Then again, if love is blind... I am clearly stupid.

How does one weigh love and affection? Full commitment to oneself? Or how do you want to be loved? We yearn for any understanding partner but yet are we understanding at our end? Love isn't just about giving your all to a person. It involves great sacrifices, tolerance, patience and above all your unconditional care. I guess that is how you derive the "love is blind" statement. Loves becomes stupid when you hurt yourself too much. Or when you start to calculate too much or too little that he/she did then something is definitely wrong... So deal with it.

When a relationship ends, it usually leads to some sort of frustration. A feeling that something that's unsettled, restlessness because it could've been better, IF it went this way and so on... but why look back anymore and dwell in it. Let what's past be the past and move on... We learn from the mistake and apply it to someone different. I believe everyone are nice in their own way but if it doesn't suit you, then its not meant for you. The analogy? If you like the shoe but it doesn't fit you no matter what... What do you do? Try to wear it even though its tight or slightly loose? That's still acceptable but you feel the pain in the long run. BUT what if it just is too small or too big? You can't blame the shoe for being not your size isn't it? Just leave it, find another shoe that you love. You still love that shoe but you have to pick another one coz it doesn't fit. So does it mean that you're not gonna love your new shoe?


Another person also said that sometimes when you dearly love someone, it doesn't mean that you have to be with them. My reply was "so true... yet so sad but true". As the Chinese saying goes "Yau Yuen Mou Fan".

Back in the good ol' school days, love was simple. Boy loves girl, girl loves boy, boy tells girl, girl accepts boy, boy & girl giggles all the way... So that was it... The world of black and white. Grey? what is that?

When we grow, we learn that life's just not that simple. Yes, even when you love someone. Love isn't just loving a person anymore. Ideal relationship? There's no such thing if nobody works for it. Are we all that ethical in love? Just ask yourself and keep it to ourselves. There can never be a true black and white in feelings. So most often we end up dating a person we have the "it" factor most but still, we love the people around us.

When you've loved, or found love before... You will understand that it can never be a clear cut between you and your ex. This especially happens when the relationship ended mutually or when a person was asked to be parted. Even when if you were the person who initiated the break-up, you'd still care for the other person because you placed your heart and soul to the relationship before. However, the care and love is an entirely different feeling from those that are in a relationship. Unless, I'd dare say that your previous love isn't love at all but sheer infatuation, admiration and nothing else deeper than that, you will be able to fling your previous partner off just like that.


How bout Platonic relationships? Do you believe in them? I do ... Sometimes the opposite sex are just slightly more observant about oneself which really is comforting. Take your best friend, one whom you hang out a lot with, share secrets with, be together on every memorable moments with and replace it with a person of the opposite sex. It isn't that hard to imagine right? Well, the only problem or point of argument is, doesn't that sound like your girl/boyfriend already? So lets rewind again... close friend, does everything together... same sex... Does that mean I'm gay?

Its really a whole different kind of feeling between your friend and partner. I'd say I love my friend but its not the same type of love or affection that we shower to our partner. If you ask me, I'd put my partner in priority to my friend but then again, because they are my close friend, I'd do the extra mile for them too. I don't mind doing silly things or difficult tasks for my buddies, coz they are my close companion. If you wanna be jealous, just ask yourself how often do we do that for them when compared to our partner? Often jealously occur and heck I am one of them if my girlfriend ever had a close guy mate. Well, I am trying to be as understanding as much as I can but sometimes we're human after all. What's important is that we know our weaknesses and try to work it out. Then again, who am i to judge because I have close girl mates as well. If we chose that particular person, we gotta have a faith in them, our decision in choosing the right partner. After all, isn't relationships all about trust?

Alas, trust alone won't work and its not a black & white world we're living in. Tolerance & understanding is pretty much important in a relationship. Lets face it, we gotta give and take in a relationship. Before that, here's an equation love != relationship. In fact, I think it should be put as Relationship = Love + trust + tolerance + understanding + care. Love is only a part of the relationship so don't go whining "you don't love me anymore". Understand this too, before a relationship started, each and everyone had their own lives and there are things that are important to them.

Starting a relationship meant adding a new value to life and also making little sacrifices as well along the way. Simply put, that to gain anything in life, something must be given up. A person gives up some of the time with their family, time with their friends, time with etc and places it into a new slot called Love. While a person is wiling to give up certain things in life for you, there are certain things that they cannot give up for you. For that is what's unique about them and what makes them the way they are. One cannot just simply demand that they give up what's important to them and argue that he/she is less important. That would only be foolish for you are trying to take the person in whole. Think about it yourself. Doesn't everyone have a certain thing that is important to them? What if your partner ask you to drop them out? Are you willing to drop anything at all that your partner asks you to? This is where tolerance & understanding come in place. If you can't change something, you've just gotta learn to respect one's wish. Either deal with it or lose it. It doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you or you are less important. It is something that's just on a different category of importance. Parents -Best Friend - Partner... How do you compare ??? Do you love your mother more than I do? Isn't just silly? They are equally important if you ask me.

You hear the term "white lies are ok". And why not? If a lie is for the better of a situation, wouldn't you tell it? Lies are bad but white lies... tell me who doesn't tell a little lie? I've told white lies... so tell me... you be the judge for those who've known me... am I wicked? Do I need to slapped with a huge "SAMAN!"?

Try not to cling to the word love as a reason for everything... its only a part of a relationship if you are ever looking for one. After all, love is only a feeling...


enerix: "No feeling is ever permanent. God created it that way so we don't have to suffer when we lose someone. The only way to prolong a feeling is that you renew it yourself..."

"No one is made a mind reader. While some might be observant, they will never be accurate all the time because people change along the way. God also intentionally made people not a mind reader... yeah, of coz it'd be good and convenient but say goodbye to freedom of privacy."


I give up... am very confused & disappointed.

-anti-social-

Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey
You tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Dear Diary...

Dear you,

How have you been up till now? It has been quite some time since I ever talked to you hasn't it? Many things have happened since the last I saw you, yet so little things that I can describe to you. I'm really sorry for not writing or talking to you.

I guess I haven't been myself at all in these few months. SO much has changed and I really am confused with myself. I couldn't find the right words to speak to you because I couldn't find the right words to present to you. I did wrote to you many times, but always get stuck in the middle of my own words. Probably I thought that there were nothing worth for you to keep in mind about. Perhaps I overlooked again, and failed to realize that all you wanted what to know the bits and chips of my daily life... I know that I would be interested to hear your words, from your lips... if that is ever possible.

It took some time to realize that, everyday is a day to be cherished. Nothing is to plain or boring to tell you. For you are miles away, the only way to keep our distance close was to let you in on our lives. I don't think that you can ever reply me, but I'll make the first step anyways to let you know how I've been doing. Perhaps one day, someone will pick this up and exchange messages with me. So until then, I'll try and promise to keep on writing, till the day we pick each other up away from the gloomy feelings.

Have you ever been stuck at difficult choices in life? I sure have a hell'o lot of it. I guess the question is, how do you measure happiness? Do you thrive for the best? If so, when would you be contented? The term "don't be greedy" alway come in mind but yet, "always strive for the best" is advised. Again, the most logical explanation is to use the advice at a proper time and situation.

I've been unhappy yet contented at the same time. So tell me... what should I do? Should I strive for happiness and leave my sense of fulfillment behind for the unknown? While many has told me that we should alway seek for happiness but yet, is there a way to be truly happy? Nobody knows... Its been a circular journey so far; Every time I moved ahead, I end up at the same position again... Feeling bitter rather than sweet.

Somehow it felt like my struggles in life is all meaningless. I've had dreams, goals & wishes. What has happened to them I wonder... All crushed to bits by the waves that hit me hard. Did I not try hard enough? or was it just too much to handle? Despite feeling dark and down, I always carried a glimpse of light called hope. It was the hope that kept me moving, hoping that one day things will turn for the better, and on... building up the dreams together with the person I cherish most.

Yet again, HOPE is such a strong yet brittle word. My light is dimming day by day... I wonder how long would it keep burning? Perhaps I am just too tired, too frustrated with myself. I guess that its time to take a break... A holiday... A long vacation...
and If someday I do return from my journey, or even crossed your path... Would you be my hope, my light? In return, I promise that you'll always be kept close in my heart and soul, like a beautiful fairy tale where both you and me find our happily ever after, Together...

-ramblings of a semi-conscious other me...-

To my hearts content...

you amaze me...