I'm no superman...

Have you ever wished that you could read ones’ mind? Wanted to know everything that is curious to you? It certainly does sounds great aint it? Being able to prepare for any questions, predict what to say next just to get on the good side of everyone you wanted. Life would be so easy then, when you can talk yourself out from almost anything.
That is if , you wanted to know. What about those things that you don’t wanna hear? Things that you don’t wanna know? Knowledge is power! However, can you really take it all inside your tiny little mind? Reality bites, truth hurts and etc... those sayings are already common enough for anyone to understand.
Its a gift, its a curse... for being there... for hearing things and for knowing things. Its not truly easy bearing the responsibility of listening. Sometimes you know too much... yet you are only entrusted to hold on to it, and nothing else. That would be easy for a diary, a dead being.
Being on the outside, the sidelines... no one has a clearer picture that anyone inside the game. While there are many rules, experiences that can only be felt in it, no one would have been able to make a fair judgement. After all, we are all human and emotions would play a big part in killing us all.
Advice, are a form of assurance and nothing else. They are just plain speeches that deep down inside everyone of us know and yet we ignore them. We usually only listen to advices that sounds comfortable to us and most likely... its what you wanted to hear all along. Assurance from someone else’s mouth that your decision is correct. We will be constantly seeking for advice, till someone agrees with us.
While you can tell a kid what to do, define whats’ right or wrong, you can never do that to an adult. Sometimes it really hurts so much, to see someone you care stepping into deep shits and yet there’s nothing you can do about it. Its not like they don’t know what’s bad... they are old enough to make their own decisions... and this hurts alot when they hurt themselves... knowingly, intentionally or couldn’t get their heads right anymore...
What if you knew too... if something isn’t right and you know you could do something about it... but because you are just not... the person... to speak it out... Who are we to mess with someone else’s affairs? I just hate being so... defenceless...
If that’s what you want... then so be it... All we could do is to be always around... and with open arms to catch you when you fall... Which is something... I wish not to see come to reality... for it will mean that people will get hurt... and let it not be you...

Patience

Just have a little, patience

I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don’t be too hard on my emotions

Cause I, need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend

I'll try to be strong, believe me
I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me

Cause I, need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience, yeah
Have a little patience, yeah

Cause these scars runs so deep
It’s been hard
But I have to believe in me

Have a little patience
Have a little patience

Cause I, I just need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience
Have a little patience

My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little... Patience

Crush . Lucky . Patience

Is it time to give up & let go?

Will

Life is great! but life is short... Too short as compared to an eternity outside of life.

I had a recent scare in my family. One of my members was actually diagnosed with er... well something but thank God... it was just a scare after all. It is in times like these when we really start to wake up and smell the coffee.

A.P.P.R.E.C.I.A.T.E!

Appreciate everyone around you, your family, your relatives, your loved ones. I remembered when I always say that I am not appreciated and bla bla bla... But now I know too, that I have been neglecting my family a little... or alot...

They're my family, always there, never given up hope on me. Probably, because they are always there, we or... I never paid too much attention to things at home, because they were always there. I'm sorry, I lost my way... I lost the person that I once promised to be and I'm picking up the trail once again.

It is a little tricky though... How could you miss something that's always around you? Still, it isn't an excuse to forget... or be ignorant. And so I learnt... I think happiness is always around us, just that we fail to see it as happiness. You have someone nagging you, reminding you daily of your things, asking you for insane favours and waking you up at ridiculous early hours on the weekends... Though it all sounds so... simple, routine and damn annoying... what if, just what if it were all taken away?

We thrive for excitement, new adventures, bla bla bla, yada yada yada... but is that what you really want by days end? For me at least, I want a home to return to, a familiar face I can talk to, whine to, laugh with, cry with and share whatever piece of myself I can with the ones really care about. Most of all, I want to be someone dependable to my family & friends.

What am I swaying to right now...

I guess what I am saying is...

I'm sorry grandpa, my biggest regret was for not knowing you well enough before you moved on.. and I love you too...
I love you grandma, for giving me the best childhood memories... Its time for me to repay you now that I'm all grown up.
I love you Dad, though I always disagree with you...
I love you Mom, though I seemed to be always drifting away...
I love you Sis 1, for your honest tales & lesson and being my "half nagging mom"...
I love you Sis 2, though we fought through our childhood...
I love you bro, though you really annoy me sometimes but as the saying goes... " he ain't heavy, he's my brother"

All my bro-in-arms, my bff's, my friends, Thanks for the memories...

lastly...

Dear,

After the scare of the week... it reminded me of many things, of how fragile are our lives. Yes, we plan and aim for great things... and yet we limit ourselves to a lot of things. I certainly wouldn't think of how important is my insurance policy until now and certainly not think that shit does happen to anyone without warning. Life sucks ain't it? When it comes to things like this! but looking at the bright side... it is at times like this we are honestly reminded of whats important in our lives. I might not know what's gonna happen next... and when shit does really happen to me... So while I'm still alive, kicking, before I really *poof!* out of sight for good...

I love you... always have, and always will... for as long as I am around...

I can be mean...

Just because someone seemed to be behaving a certain way all the time, doesn't really mean he won't be the otherwise...

Beware... I bite...

HARD.

Struck 2.0

Something just got into me today. Are all things really possible when you believe hard enough? Perhaps... because it is all in the mind... Well, at least for things that you won't require mumbo jumbos to do.

Perhaps everything is just all in the mind. So... what are we if not for our mind? Our feelings that make who we are? The experience that shapes our very existence?

But today... My mind got attuned to something different today, or more likely accepted a fact of the norm... some things... just aren't meant to be, aren't meant to happen, aren't possible.

Maybe if we could all be a little more open to everything and try... give it a try to everything. Then again, when your hearts not ready, you just can't try... willingly. So... are things really possible when you try hard enough?

Beats me... but with the current "enlightenment"... whatever i'm thinking, feeling now... I'm just killing myself... for I just lost it. Again!

How low will it go, how dark will it get...

Sorry folks, really stopped having juicy thoughts to write about. I'm depressed.

Deep, Dark, Cold.

I know my problems aren't the end of the world. I also know that there's more to life. But how do you jump out from an emotional shithole? Out of the shitpile, into the shithole... I keep running up to dead ends.

I saw a beacon of light... a glimpse of hope... but it died before it found life...

Am really dead tired of it. My beliefs are all falling apart. Why must everyone tell me to do everything that's beyond my wantings... Everything! All I can do, is to let it all go... stop trying... stop approaching... stop everything...

So near, yet so far... Its a stalemate... What should I do? Please, tell me... no turning back, yet no steps forward...

Friend.

Friend? Are we really friends? I am not your friend. Not the way I see it... How do you rate your friends? What do you consider as a friend? Put me in the chart, rate me from your view... Do I really qualify as a friend? Being treated the way I am now? I don't think so... save your pity... save the excuse... Pray we'll all find our happiness and forget this terrible nightmare. Like it never ever existed. Another black hole in my life. Begone...

. . .

Being childish or not... How can I even sum up how i feel...
Whining doesn't help, moving on but don't seem to be budging...

I hate you...
hate that you took away whats important in my life...
hate that you decided everything for me...
hate that you shattered my life like a jigsaw...
hate that you took my heart away...
hate that you gave up...
hate that you are glad...
hate that you hate me...
hate that you broke my peace over & over...
hate the fact that "i love/miss you but i can't be with you.." ever existed...
I hate that I loved you...

"Everyone thinks that I am happy and fine... but look a little closer... you'll see tears in my eyes..."

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

I don't wanna be an angel no more...

Its been some time now, after many years of gathering thoughts, experience in life. I thought I had seen it all. Perhaps the world is just to wide for one to grasp in hand. Am I being naive all along? Up till recently, what I believed in... just didn't seem to be real anymore.

What do you get for being "nice"? What do you get for being there? What do you get for being... yourself?

A pat of the back? A warm greeting? A smile for the moment?

What good is having faith? When everyone else don't see the same way...

I quit... good luck. have fun.

The man who can't be moved

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw-J8kC5DHo

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

Break even

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)


Beautifully written lyrics... every little bit of it,
... however, it doesn't matter anymore... :)

Picking up the pace

So now that Hurricane Gene is over... its time to set things right!

My checklist:

1. The NEW new Honda City
2. A Husky named Spirit
3. DSLR - done!
4. PS3 (thanks to the influence of friends)
5. 32 inch LCD inside my room
6. Booming speakers to go with my TV and PS3.
7. Get a pad of my own
   
8. Quit my job and flee the country... YES!!! muahahaha

ps: yes... the last point in the wishlist contradicts everything that i want above... who cares... I can spend. so sue me.

Say it with me~ say it with pride~

FUCK IT!!!

You don't trust me?

What a good question... trust, is earned and not something given as a necessity. If you asked why someone doubted you, try tracing back the steps of why the trust was taken away. If you find it, and feel like its important to maintain that trust, the earn it all over again. Just don't try to run away from it or put the blame on elsewhere.

After all, a reputation hard to build and easily crumbled. Its all about managing expectations in the world we live in. Because we are all human, we make mistakes and we tend to dwell at the unproductive, negative side of things. When we are constantly being treated like kings, and just suddenly one day the service became a little bit slower that the usual, we complaint, indicating that the service is poor, useless, horrible! but what about the Nth time that service has been good to you? When things are "up" all the time, 1 "down" in a blue moon spoils the entire reputation. It is all about managing expectations, and it applies to every aspects of life.

Ever so frequent, we hear the phrase: We forgive but we do not forget. While it seems a little cruel, I believe that it is often misinterpreted. To forgive oneself is to save yourself... So why do you want to think of the bad? We make mistakes, we all do... Why let a rotten apple spoil the entire basket of fruit? Its easy to find fault and give up when something bad happens... but what about the happier moments? Are they really overshadowed by a few rotten examples? If there's a problem fix it, don't run away from it for it will haunt you sooner or later. The last bit mentions "we do not forget"... it doesn't mean that we should hold a grudge but rather it reminds us that we should not repeat it again of the mistakes. It really is easy to give up but happiness is hard to build... Isn't life always like this? Nothing good comes easy and sometimes you need to be persistant enough to face it all.

I remember the first day I went to church... I just felt like it... call it fate, it did touch me a little and made sense to me. The message for the day goes something like this... "do not judge other... why do you talk about the speck of dust on people's eyes when you have a plank sticking out your own.." or something like that... it means, before you talk about others, first look at yourself... don't be a hypocrite. I realized something then, I had been too judgemental on certain things and on certain people... I am sorry if that happened... and I do hope too... others will realize this as well... we are all the same... humans of flesh and blood...

Dear... couldn't put it much better than this...

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know
That when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

Rain please tell me now does that seem fair
For her to steal my heart away when she don't care
I can't love another when my hearts somewhere far away

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know that when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

[Instrumental Interlude]

Rain won't you tell her that I love her so
Please ask the sun to set her heart aglow
Rain in her heart and let the love we knew start to grow

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

Oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater
Oh, oh, oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater

Stuck in time...

Stuck... or idle?

Self-healing

Once, there was this guy, who was in love with a gal.

She wasn't the most beautiful and gorgeous but for him, she was everything.

He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him, "why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not? First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".

He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her. One day when he proposed, she rejected him.

His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.

To their surprise, he was not depressed. When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied, "why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her."

Love... 2.0

I pray hard,
I am hopeful,
and always wishful...
that you will always
be a part of my life...

I'll color your world,
and protect you girl,
If only you will,
just let us both heal...

The longest sigh...

why is it so hard to trust someone whom you know and has been there for you for years? funny how we chose to trust a perfect stranger but not the one you've know before... afraid to be hurt again? who doesnt... but we are all humans... we make mistakes and we learn from it... second chances? don't you wish for a second chance too if you ever did something wrong? sigh...