The Other Me...

I'm back

2010-05-09T23:42:00.002+08:00

I'm back... but I sure don't know what to write about for now. Where have I been maybe? This would be a tough question to answer! :P

2010

2009-12-31T02:40:00.002+08:00

Its the time of year again, and to be exact... there goes another year!

Yup, this year definitely ended quickly and what a "POW" to the chapters of life. If I should write a book, this would be the most interesting of all; be it good or bad.

Reflecting on all the dreams and ambitions:
1) Why didn't I thought of Journalism? Authoring? Writing? English?
I hate to read! thats why... hahaha but who would have guessed that I love writing. Well I for one certainly didn't realize that :P

2) I should be a Lawyer!
While I don't like criminals or baddies (never liked any evil characters in life 'cept for Dungeon Keeper (tagline: evil is good...),
I sure do love solving crimes (lets face it... Puh-lease? they are official mafia of the country) and who doesn't love winning an
an argument? AND! you get highly paid for copy and pasting texts on documents. Also, not forgetting the facts... I enjoy
history, digesting facts and spitting it out all at once. (this should have been my dream job) Not forgetting... I get to sue you!
FOC!

Ah, as I am writing this piece of note... ideas, thoughts are flowing through my head, bursting out to be written but with my aging head... I just can't recall what I wanted to write while trying to sequence out my paragraphs... Damn it!

ok... i need to put this "TO BE CONTINUED... I am definitely getting old... Am suddenly feeling very sleepy...

Good nights! zzzzzzZZZZZzzzz....

Grieve...

2009-12-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

it'll never be the same again...

God, So help me...

2009-11-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

ada lori ada bas, suatu hari mesti bebas

shoutout

2009-09-10T10:41:00.000+08:00

from this moment...

plastic explosives...

2009-08-11T16:45:00.002+08:00

tension on strings...

The longest second, minute, hour, day, week.

2009-08-07T18:48:00.002+08:00

Its been a while and my post still seemed to be gray, gloomy. Not too dark, and yet not too bright either.

Decisions, decisions... life is full of them. Some which I am glad that I made them, some not so proud and some just takes a little bit of time to digest.

I wonder what is it like to live in other people's shoes? Seeing things from a different aspect altogether. It would be cool, perhaps... hmmm... nah... no answer for that one.

Today, is definitely one of the longest time in my life. So much can happen in a split second which will change our lives forever. One call, one missed call, anything at all...

Its never easy, it never was, and never will be for a person like me. What I am like? thats something I don't know now that I'm here at this age. What I am sure is that it is not an easy day after all... Sometimes we do things we aren't proud of, sometimes we do things that are out of our control and sometimes we make decisions that we do not enjoy at all.

But hey, you there... yes.. you kid, thats life. Recalling a phrase that goes by "God doesn't give you what you want, but what you need". I'm not trying to be religious but put a thought in it, its true; the underlying msg. While it may not be nice, it might be what's best for us. Life's not a constant... you'd never know.

If we met in another time, things would be different... time will tell.

I'll still care...

#ping 127.1.1.1

2009-07-29T16:05:00.002+08:00

Its great to be back. I'm back. Almost.

Odd... why do i seem to get unknown followers on the blog? hmmm...

A dream unfulfilled is but a curse

2009-05-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

Funny how I get inspirations, from an old TV show... and this show is none other than Kamen Rider 555! Who says kids show aren't educational? Well, it isn't really much of a kids show with all the killing scenes.

This story happens to go like this: a born musical genius which got his hands crippled in an accident and could no longer play the guitar. He vents his frustration by being a rebel and doing things to disturb those who plays music.

When he finally came to his senses, he spoke of these words... "a dream unfulfilled is like a curse". So much is true, knowing that the thing you love to do and long for could no longer be achieved. Having to give up unwillingly is painful and forever haunting... wanting something that cannot be done is a painful burden that one can bear in life.

Of course, he finally let go of his unfulfilled dream and moved on but its rather sad anyhow. So the question was, should we even had a dream? Quite philosophical don't you think so? How great are kids show these days... I find it quite intriguing and made me ponder for a while... Indeed, true enough of what was said if you've been through it before...

We grow up in such circumstances, making us stronger... yet it makes us much more difficult to be pleased and believing as well. While you or I complaint about how difficult life can be... is it really that tough? We are the ones that complicate things around us.

You hear that remarks such as... "grow up" or even "you're not a kid anymore" or "that's reality". We toughen up, we learn to be wiser, learn to be... suspicious? why? coz people become more and more deceitful. Have we all forgotten the old times? our younger days? where words meant gold and promises are promises? Grow up you say? isn't that what we stride for?

Funny again on how we see things... and say its impossible yet we forgotten that it happened once upon a time when life was much simpler. If we can all reach for the child within us... I'm not being a kid or haven't grown up... That, my friend is how life would & could be if we are more honest beings in life. Its because the world is harsh, that we need hope... but because everyone "learns" that everyone is mean to everybody.

So yes... it indeed is painful having bad memories, even good ones... because once you lose your dreams... it will haunt you forever. If you ever are one of them, be strong and build your new dream. If you've never encountered a broken dream, I pray you never will... its not easy...

Coming out of the closet.

2009-03-17T22:39:00.003+08:00

If ppl could only be a little honest about themselves...

Then there'd be no beating around the bush...

No missing chances...

No regrets...

Why wait for others... pursue your own destiny.

Reiterated. Revisited

2009-03-13T17:08:00.000+08:00

When are we gonna have another K session... I want those shit...

Just have a little, patience

I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don’t be too hard on my emotions

Cause I, need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend

I'll try to be strong, believe me
I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me

Cause I, need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience, yeah
Have a little patience, yeah

Cause these scars runs so deep
It’s been hard
But I have to believe in me

Have a little patience
Have a little patience

Cause I, I just need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience
Have a little patience

My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little... Patience

Here I go...

2009-03-04T17:52:00.003+08:00

Here I go~ Scream my lungs out trying to get to you... bla bla bla

OK! that was lyrics... back to the usual post, or not so usual...

All is forgiven...
All is forgotten...
While some remain clueless...
It will not be hopeless...

I am...

Reborn.

Thought of the day...

2009-02-04T18:18:00.001+08:00

Once bitten, twice shy...

I stopped believing in fairy tales the day you walk away.

Period.

Save me!

2009-02-04T15:52:00.003+08:00

Break the chain,
    the ties that bind.
Release from pain,
   my heart unwind.

Somebody save me!
    Unlock my riddle.
To be or not to be!
    I'm stuck in the middle.

I'm sorry, I can't forgive you just yet...

2009-02-04T00:24:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry, I can't forgive you just yet... I'm not ready.

I'm no superman...

2009-01-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wished that you could read ones’ mind? Wanted to know everything that is curious to you? It certainly does sounds great aint it? Being able to prepare for any questions, predict what to say next just to get on the good side of everyone you wanted. Life would be so easy then, when you can talk yourself out from almost anything.
That is if , you wanted to know. What about those things that you don’t wanna hear? Things that you don’t wanna know? Knowledge is power! However, can you really take it all inside your tiny little mind? Reality bites, truth hurts and etc... those sayings are already common enough for anyone to understand.
Its a gift, its a curse... for being there... for hearing things and for knowing things. Its not truly easy bearing the responsibility of listening. Sometimes you know too much... yet you are only entrusted to hold on to it, and nothing else. That would be easy for a diary, a dead being.
Being on the outside, the sidelines... no one has a clearer picture that anyone inside the game. While there are many rules, experiences that can only be felt in it, no one would have been able to make a fair judgement. After all, we are all human and emotions would play a big part in killing us all.
Advice, are a form of assurance and nothing else. They are just plain speeches that deep down inside everyone of us know and yet we ignore them. We usually only listen to advices that sounds comfortable to us and most likely... its what you wanted to hear all along. Assurance from someone else’s mouth that your decision is correct. We will be constantly seeking for advice, till someone agrees with us.
While you can tell a kid what to do, define whats’ right or wrong, you can never do that to an adult. Sometimes it really hurts so much, to see someone you care stepping into deep shits and yet there’s nothing you can do about it. Its not like they don’t know what’s bad... they are old enough to make their own decisions... and this hurts alot when they hurt themselves... knowingly, intentionally or couldn’t get their heads right anymore...
What if you knew too... if something isn’t right and you know you could do something about it... but because you are just not... the person... to speak it out... Who are we to mess with someone else’s affairs? I just hate being so... defenceless...
If that’s what you want... then so be it... All we could do is to be always around... and with open arms to catch you when you fall... Which is something... I wish not to see come to reality... for it will mean that people will get hurt... and let it not be you...

Patience

2009-01-19T21:44:00.001+08:00

Just have a little, patience

I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don’t be too hard on my emotions

Cause I, need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend

I'll try to be strong, believe me
I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me

Cause I, need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience, yeah
Have a little patience, yeah

Cause these scars runs so deep
It’s been hard
But I have to believe in me

Have a little patience
Have a little patience

Cause I, I just need time
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience
Have a little patience

My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little... Patience

Crush . Lucky . Patience

2009-01-19T13:57:00.000+08:00

Is it time to give up & let go?

Will

2009-01-10T14:52:00.002+08:00

Life is great! but life is short... Too short as compared to an eternity outside of life.

I had a recent scare in my family. One of my members was actually diagnosed with er... well something but thank God... it was just a scare after all. It is in times like these when we really start to wake up and smell the coffee.

A.P.P.R.E.C.I.A.T.E!

Appreciate everyone around you, your family, your relatives, your loved ones. I remembered when I always say that I am not appreciated and bla bla bla... But now I know too, that I have been neglecting my family a little... or alot...

They're my family, always there, never given up hope on me. Probably, because they are always there, we or... I never paid too much attention to things at home, because they were always there. I'm sorry, I lost my way... I lost the person that I once promised to be and I'm picking up the trail once again.

It is a little tricky though... How could you miss something that's always around you? Still, it isn't an excuse to forget... or be ignorant. And so I learnt... I think happiness is always around us, just that we fail to see it as happiness. You have someone nagging you, reminding you daily of your things, asking you for insane favours and waking you up at ridiculous early hours on the weekends... Though it all sounds so... simple, routine and damn annoying... what if, just what if it were all taken away?

We thrive for excitement, new adventures, bla bla bla, yada yada yada... but is that what you really want by days end? For me at least, I want a home to return to, a familiar face I can talk to, whine to, laugh with, cry with and share whatever piece of myself I can with the ones really care about. Most of all, I want to be someone dependable to my family & friends.

What am I swaying to right now...

I guess what I am saying is...

I'm sorry grandpa, my biggest regret was for not knowing you well enough before you moved on.. and I love you too...
I love you grandma, for giving me the best childhood memories... Its time for me to repay you now that I'm all grown up.
I love you Dad, though I always disagree with you...
I love you Mom, though I seemed to be always drifting away...
I love you Sis 1, for your honest tales & lesson and being my "half nagging mom"...
I love you Sis 2, though we fought through our childhood...
I love you bro, though you really annoy me sometimes but as the saying goes... " he ain't heavy, he's my brother"

All my bro-in-arms, my bff's, my friends, Thanks for the memories...

lastly...

Dear,

After the scare of the week... it reminded me of many things, of how fragile are our lives. Yes, we plan and aim for great things... and yet we limit ourselves to a lot of things. I certainly wouldn't think of how important is my insurance policy until now and certainly not think that shit does happen to anyone without warning. Life sucks ain't it? When it comes to things like this! but looking at the bright side... it is at times like this we are honestly reminded of whats important in our lives. I might not know what's gonna happen next... and when shit does really happen to me... So while I'm still alive, kicking, before I really *poof!* out of sight for good...

I love you... always have, and always will... for as long as I am around...

I can be mean...

2009-01-09T16:31:00.002+08:00

Just because someone seemed to be behaving a certain way all the time, doesn't really mean he won't be the otherwise...

Beware... I bite...

HARD.

Struck 2.0

2008-12-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

Something just got into me today. Are all things really possible when you believe hard enough? Perhaps... because it is all in the mind... Well, at least for things that you won't require mumbo jumbos to do.

Perhaps everything is just all in the mind. So... what are we if not for our mind? Our feelings that make who we are? The experience that shapes our very existence?

But today... My mind got attuned to something different today, or more likely accepted a fact of the norm... some things... just aren't meant to be, aren't meant to happen, aren't possible.

Maybe if we could all be a little more open to everything and try... give it a try to everything. Then again, when your hearts not ready, you just can't try... willingly. So... are things really possible when you try hard enough?

Beats me... but with the current "enlightenment"... whatever i'm thinking, feeling now... I'm just killing myself... for I just lost it. Again!

How low will it go, how dark will it get...

2008-12-03T00:27:00.003+08:00

Sorry folks, really stopped having juicy thoughts to write about. I'm depressed.

Deep, Dark, Cold.

I know my problems aren't the end of the world. I also know that there's more to life. But how do you jump out from an emotional shithole? Out of the shitpile, into the shithole... I keep running up to dead ends.

I saw a beacon of light... a glimpse of hope... but it died before it found life...

Am really dead tired of it. My beliefs are all falling apart. Why must everyone tell me to do everything that's beyond my wantings... Everything! All I can do, is to let it all go... stop trying... stop approaching... stop everything...

So near, yet so far... Its a stalemate... What should I do? Please, tell me... no turning back, yet no steps forward...

Friend.

2008-11-24T17:47:00.002+08:00

Friend? Are we really friends? I am not your friend. Not the way I see it... How do you rate your friends? What do you consider as a friend? Put me in the chart, rate me from your view... Do I really qualify as a friend? Being treated the way I am now? I don't think so... save your pity... save the excuse... Pray we'll all find our happiness and forget this terrible nightmare. Like it never ever existed. Another black hole in my life. Begone...

. . .

2008-11-12T17:31:00.005+08:00

Being childish or not... How can I even sum up how i feel...
Whining doesn't help, moving on but don't seem to be budging...

I hate you...
hate that you took away whats important in my life...
hate that you decided everything for me...
hate that you shattered my life like a jigsaw...
hate that you took my heart away...
hate that you gave up...
hate that you are glad...
hate that you hate me...
hate that you broke my peace over & over...
hate the fact that "i love/miss you but i can't be with you.." ever existed...
I hate that I loved you...

"Everyone thinks that I am happy and fine... but look a little closer... you'll see tears in my eyes..."

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

I don't wanna be an angel no more...

2008-10-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

Its been some time now, after many years of gathering thoughts, experience in life. I thought I had seen it all. Perhaps the world is just to wide for one to grasp in hand. Am I being naive all along? Up till recently, what I believed in... just didn't seem to be real anymore.

What do you get for being "nice"? What do you get for being there? What do you get for being... yourself?

A pat of the back? A warm greeting? A smile for the moment?

What good is having faith? When everyone else don't see the same way...

I quit... good luck. have fun.

The man who can't be moved

2008-10-23T23:14:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw-J8kC5DHo

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

Break even

2008-10-23T23:02:00.004+08:00

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Beautifully written lyrics... every little bit of it,
... however, it doesn't matter anymore... :)

Picking up the pace

2008-09-25T20:44:00.007+08:00

So now that Hurricane Gene is over... its time to set things right!

My checklist:

The NEW new Honda City
A Husky named Spirit
~~DSLR~~ - done!
~~PS3 (thanks to the influence of friends)~~
32 inch LCD inside my room
Booming speakers to go with my TV and PS3.
Get a pad of my own
Quit my job and flee the country... YES!!! muahahaha

ps: yes... the last point in the wishlist contradicts everything that i want above... who cares... I can spend. so sue me.

Say it with me~ say it with pride~

2008-09-14T01:31:00.001+08:00

FUCK IT!!!

You don't trust me?

2008-09-08T22:25:00.003+08:00

What a good question... trust, is earned and not something given as a necessity. If you asked why someone doubted you, try tracing back the steps of why the trust was taken away. If you find it, and feel like its important to maintain that trust, the earn it all over again. Just don't try to run away from it or put the blame on elsewhere.

After all, a reputation hard to build and easily crumbled. Its all about managing expectations in the world we live in. Because we are all human, we make mistakes and we tend to dwell at the unproductive, negative side of things. When we are constantly being treated like kings, and just suddenly one day the service became a little bit slower that the usual, we complaint, indicating that the service is poor, useless, horrible! but what about the Nth time that service has been good to you? When things are "up" all the time, 1 "down" in a blue moon spoils the entire reputation. It is all about managing expectations, and it applies to every aspects of life.

Ever so frequent, we hear the phrase: We forgive but we do not forget. While it seems a little cruel, I believe that it is often misinterpreted. To forgive oneself is to save yourself... So why do you want to think of the bad? We make mistakes, we all do... Why let a rotten apple spoil the entire basket of fruit? Its easy to find fault and give up when something bad happens... but what about the happier moments? Are they really overshadowed by a few rotten examples? If there's a problem fix it, don't run away from it for it will haunt you sooner or later. The last bit mentions "we do not forget"... it doesn't mean that we should hold a grudge but rather it reminds us that we should not repeat it again of the mistakes. It really is easy to give up but happiness is hard to build... Isn't life always like this? Nothing good comes easy and sometimes you need to be persistant enough to face it all.

I remember the first day I went to church... I just felt like it... call it fate, it did touch me a little and made sense to me. The message for the day goes something like this... "do not judge other... why do you talk about the speck of dust on people's eyes when you have a plank sticking out your own.." or something like that... it means, before you talk about others, first look at yourself... don't be a hypocrite. I realized something then, I had been too judgemental on certain things and on certain people... I am sorry if that happened... and I do hope too... others will realize this as well... we are all the same... humans of flesh and blood...

Dear... couldn't put it much better than this...

2008-08-24T19:54:00.002+08:00

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know
That when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

Rain please tell me now does that seem fair
For her to steal my heart away when she don't care
I can't love another when my hearts somewhere far away

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know that when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

[Instrumental Interlude]

Rain won't you tell her that I love her so
Please ask the sun to set her heart aglow
Rain in her heart and let the love we knew start to grow

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

Oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater
Oh, oh, oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater

Stuck in time...

2008-08-22T22:28:00.000+08:00

Stuck... or idle?

Self-healing

2008-08-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

Once, there was this guy, who was in love with a gal.

She wasn't the most beautiful and gorgeous but for him, she was everything.

He used to dream about her, about spending the rest of life with her. His friends told him, "why do you dream so much about her, when you don't even know if she loves you or not? First tell her your feelings, and get to know if she likes you or not".

He felt that was the right way. The girl knew from the beginning, that this guy loves her. One day when he proposed, she rejected him.

His friends thought he would take to alcohol; drugs etc. and ruin his life.

To their surprise, he was not depressed. When they asked him how was it that he is not sad, he replied, "why should I feel bad? I lost one who never loved me & she lost the one who really loved and cared for her."

Love... 2.0

2008-08-05T00:17:00.002+08:00

I pray hard,
I am hopeful,
and always wishful...
that you will always
be a part of my life...

I'll color your world,
and protect you girl,
If only you will,
just let us both heal...

The longest sigh...

2008-07-28T13:22:00.002+08:00

why is it so hard to trust someone whom you know and has been there for you for years? funny how we chose to trust a perfect stranger but not the one you've know before... afraid to be hurt again? who doesnt... but we are all humans... we make mistakes and we learn from it... second chances? don't you wish for a second chance too if you ever did something wrong? sigh...

Weekends...

2008-07-19T19:29:00.001+08:00

I hate weekends... Back then, Friday would mean a whole lot to me. Looking forward to the weekends to see the person dearest. Now its just a routine, empty days...

When will this be over?

Why...

2008-07-18T19:50:00.002+08:00

People can be very dishonest to themselves at times. Why? Because of your principles? Love can never be a rational thing... If it were, it wouldn't be love... would it?

Why is it when you want something, you wait for it to happen? Why don't we take the intiative ourselves? Why... torment yourself... and the people you love... and the people who loves you back...

A transformation

2008-07-13T15:22:00.002+08:00

I am turning into an irritable person although I tried hard of not to. Someone told me, you know... whatever state of mind you are in now, you are just like "...". Play the reversal role now. Put myself in that shoe... and I know what I am crazing over, think of is utterly futile. Oh yes... I know them all too well...

But what? perhaps I am just being hopeful... Why must one be so pessimistic? Or am I just cheating myself? Just look at how it is now... Detestable... I am being stubborn but its something I chose. Why do you wanna give up on something that you finally realized is something you wanted all along? Perhaps it bears no fruit by the end of the day, bt perhaps it will. Nobody know... aren't we all being hopeful?

Sometimes, its not about being better off. Its not about better opportunity or finding someone better. Its all about fate. Love is the strangest thing which people just can't explain. We do silly things... though it might be difficult but its the outcome and matters.

Yes, it definitely takes two to work... but look at it this way... it has to start somewhere? Someone has to make the move else there will be nowhere... Timing too is a factor... sometimes when the time isn't right, you just can't budge it. Just when the time is right, puzzle pieces will fall into place.

Opps... So am I contradicting myself now? Yes... I am again... Patience is the key... but I am impatient... Time will tell it all... perhaps I will change in time too, learn to let go and find happiness elsewhere... but I am sure as of what I want now after all that's happened. I take my stand. Just hope that I am emotionally strong enough to live through it.

I really wonder how you did it... its tough... I realize...

I loved you too late...

2008-07-09T18:34:00.003+08:00

It always begins with 2 person knowing each other; of course! else where won't be a story to tell... All my life, I've yearned the TLC of a partner and it is my own dream to be able to care & love a person with my all.

Usually it all starts with a spark, love at first sight or whatever you call it.. but it usually doesn't work at all for me. Why? probably because you lose your common sense the moment you fall straight for a person. I've seen and been through a lot of heartaches because of this. Still it was good experience and it taught me a thing or two.

I've been through a few long term relationships but I would dare say that I couldn't be more happier on my last encounter. Why and what makes it so special? She's the person whom I spent some time with, slowly fell for her, gave my all to her courtship and she nodded to me when I told her of how I felt. If this was a movie, it was already a happily ever after.

I was at cloud 9, couldn't believe the answer I got (of course I was damn happy), butterflies and everything. I secretly told God, (thank you thank you thank you thank you... she's all I could ever dream of). Life has never been that great up till that point. Someone whom actually I loved really did love me in return!

I was shy at first... probably still can't believe that I've got such a lovely girl by my side. I still could recall the very first day I held her hands. I tried to reach out my hand, then pulled it back and again... well... it took me long enough to do so and when we held hands... I just blushed... That feeling was great.

She cared a lot for me and I'd love very much to pamper her. Her gestures, her concerns... it was all so sweet. We had a lot of plans going on... this little thing, that little thing... and it was sweet. Life was just never boring and what was once gloomy I soon had forgotten.

From a low self-esteemed person, I couldn't be much prouder. I was very proud of my partner and still very much at cloud 9. It was all ideal, we never had any arguements or that was what I told her. "let's not be like other couples that argue, we should talk things out if there's anything wrong". Maybe... that was just too ideal. Still it was very much like a perfect dream, my perfect partner on our very first anniversary.

As years passed, we slowly fell into the old couple category... we argued a little and life just got routine. Perhaps it was just too comfortable that we took it for granted....

And here, is truly where my story begins...

Never should you doubt the one you love and care... You'd live to regret it, and now I know... it hurts a lot and what can you do except for accepting this fact already? Never doubt your own feelings as well... I was stupid... silly... lost somewhere in between with questions like if i still loved her that much, or even if its what I really want.

People, you will all never know until the ultimate punishment chases after you. You will only know how much you value it until its gone... Sad but true... and probably humans are just being themselves, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being let down...

Trust is really hard to gain... once lost... you might not be so lucky to earn a second chance. While some are lucky enough some are not. Why? I always asked myself... to err is to human...

I take blame for part of what's happened... I admit and won't run... Its really tough when you try to struggle against the odds... against the tide. Once you realized something but only to find it too late, it kills... so what now?

Like a broken player, the memories rewinds itself over and over... sweet yet sad. I've learnt my lesson... yes i do... only if i could... i tell myself... only if...

all I can say is... I loved you too late...

My love will get you home...

2008-07-08T17:07:00.001+08:00

Dear...

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

Ignorance is bliss

2008-07-06T16:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes being "too smart" or informative isn't a good thing. As the saying, ignorance is bliss... The more you dig, the deeper the hole gets but without a proper verdict, you'll always be playing assumptions.

Found out too much and of course but not everything, which makes it a dangerous and difficult position. I would like to think otherwise... give the benefit of doubt.. positive. So am I just fooling myself? Or is the truth just plain simple?

That... no one will know unless it comes from the mouth of the witness...

Objection! ... too much of Phoenix Wright games lately....

Sempurna...

2008-07-04T22:32:00.003+08:00

yes... humans are stupid... only to realize what's important when things are lost...

...this is for you...

Kau begitu sempurna
Di mataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu
Di setiap langkahku
Ku kan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa ku bayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

*Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Tak kan mampu menghadapi semua,
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku, lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu,

sempurna....

Kau genggam tanganku
saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikan kata yang hapus semua sesalku
(*)

Please just kill me

2008-07-04T13:55:00.003+08:00

2nd hell started... who would give a damn? just kill me...

Mmmbop / I will come to you...

2008-06-12T21:49:00.007+08:00

L: Been on a lyric spree... Feels like I'm drownin in all of it.

MmmBop (click for vid)

You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.

Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.

Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.

Chorus:

MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do

Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.

Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.

I Will Come to You... (Click for vid)

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

I will come to you

'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand

I'll reach out and take your hand

Oh I will come to you
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you

I will come to you,
Oh I will come to you

L: This song goes to myself...

U make me wanna...

2008-06-10T20:22:00.004+08:00

always loved this one... oh crap! HAHAHA

To start it off I know you know me
To come to think of it, it was only last week.
That I had a dream about us, oh.
That's why I am here, I'm writing this song.
To tell the truth you know I have been hurting all along,
Someway let me know, you want me girl.

Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
Baby that's why:

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

Well I know that these feelings won't end no, no.
They'll just get stronger if I see you again.
Baby I'm tired of being friends.
I wanna know if you feel the same
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?
Don't leave me in doubt.

Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
And baby that's why:

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

I'll take you home real quick
And sit you down on the couch
Pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out.
Baby we can make sweet love.
Then we'll take it nice and slow.
I'm gonna touch you like you've never know before
We're gonna make love all night.

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

untitled.

2008-06-09T13:04:00.000+08:00

Lost

Blog you later...

2008-06-08T14:58:00.000+08:00

~taking a break~

Like a bolt of thunder, it struck... almost inevitable, so certain like death... will there be miracles?

2008-06-08T14:55:00.003+08:00

enerix: Like Newton with his apple drop, it just struck me dumbfound. My time around is limited... There is only so much time till the day where we need to part ways... the countdown begins...

Battle...

2008-05-27T21:13:00.002+08:00

You thought we'd be fine
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why aren't you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try!

You've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and im feelin like we've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call (Why'd you have to let it go)
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know (cant you see you hurt me soo)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try!

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call....
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know(cant you see you hurt me so)
but why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
this can be better, we can be happy, try!

This is a battle and its your final last call

The End...

2008-05-27T16:27:00.005+08:00

In Loving Memory,

Eugene Lim

26th May 2008

A part of me died on this day...
-Messed up but loved you-

27 Dec 2004 - 26 May 2008
(3 yrs 5 mths)

Won't you walk with me? (sane writing)

2008-05-22T21:05:00.002+08:00

It has been an awful long week since... since I can even remember. It all just happened so quick and my reflexes are catching up late. What am I feeling now? Hollow... Empty... Numb... that's what I'd tell you. Am I sad? I can't tell at all. Been repeating this quite often now; I have no tears, yet I couldn't put up a happy smile.

Sometimes I'd just stare blankly out to space, wasting the minutes of the hour just like that. What's to regret? and no one's to blame for anything like this to happen. Don't know... maybe really sendiri "lor lei jin". I am getting insane... probably just a bit... Work's also particularly irritating recently. I'm slowly transforming into a salarymen, with those usual problems with office; boss, boss's boss, somebody's boss, and the difficult people that you gotta deal with.

With everything that's happening recently... I can only say a thing, TROUBLESOME!. Sometimes I just wish I can dream it all off from my routine. In times like this... I believe I've some sort of saw God. Believe it or not, these things are eeriely true at times you need it the most. I went to church one day, willingly... yes.. you heard me right... the once table sitting, I'm never satisfied with your answers, nerve wrecking fool in moral classes is actually going there. It all just falls into place like the puzzle pieces coming together, at the right place and right time. Even so, Eugenism still rules! It was all cool and listening to advices that relates and makes sense really is comforting.

I've realized a lot during these times. I've changed... a lot. From the innocent kampung boy, I've transformed into a wicked little bugger. The only thing I realize didn't change was my indecisiveness on most of everything. I'm never here nor there. I just couldn't make up my mind. I've made up my mind on several occasions in life but, there's always a but... so... but... it somehow changes along time and I am back at square one.

Probably this all that's happened is a sign... an omen of sort. To tell me that its time to start anew. I will... I promise. Its time to get things straight, pull myself up together and start making life more meaningful. I'd of course appreciate the hand and company to pull it through... so won't you walk with me? yes... you...

:)

Won't you walk with me?

2008-05-21T22:43:00.004+08:00

It has been cloudy week,
It has been a hollow week.
I laugh an empty laugh,
I smile an empty smile.

I am sad but I couldn't cry,
I am happy but I couldn't fly.
The bitter just isn't bitter,
The sweet doesn't get sweeter.

I used to whine,
I used to mind.
The days I miss her,
Was the day my mem'ries linger.

But do not pity, for pitiful I am not...

Fark... I never meant to rhyme...

So much has happened,
So much has changed.
In days like this it makes me wonder.
In times like this my does heart ponder.

In crossroads now... I have to re-evaluate myself.
Getting a hold of the inside me... the other me...
In time I hope, I will return.
I hope it all, to start anew.

Only One...

2008-05-21T22:33:00.001+08:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

e: can't believe i'm sobering over saddistic songs...

Realize

2008-05-19T03:33:00.002+08:00

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

The Ego Has Landed

2008-05-12T21:16:00.002+08:00

Gone are the days of hopeful,
Gone are the days of patience,
Gone are the days of tolerance,
Gone are the days of happiness...

Came are the days of despair,
Came are the days of retaliation,
Came are the days of refutation,
Came are the days of sorrow...

The ego... has finally landed.

Dear Diary...

2008-03-10T21:45:00.007+08:00

Dear Diary,

If life is about hopping past obstacles, then these days truly have been those difficult ones. Be it work, home or life personally I believe that its finally at those important crossroads that determine my life in the next few years.

Wished I could be someone who tells everyone that I love my work. Work... is work... and it really is envious for those who found their pleasure at work. But because life is not just about enjoying, there are moments of reality that one needs to face. Well, probably I wasn't brave enough to embrace the difficulties that I was about to endure if I really did go into my field of interest. Scrawny pay, long working hours, and so on... The first thing that crossed my mind was, how the heck am I gonna afford to raise a family in that condition?

I am, in some sort of way satisfied with my job now. Although not what I intended to do, it is still something that I chose considering the options to get a decent pay and make a living with a family in mind. I am trying to be as independent as much possible from my parents although the fact that I am parasiting at home ... still... :P Yeah... back to the job... its really gotten a whole lot steeper and not one can I can remember of not being forgetful and yelled at in office. Something is just missing from my life. I know I could push further but somehow I am feeling the missing puzzle somewhere... Similar to the feeling of being home, I feel incompetent at work. Really wished that I won't have to depend on ppl too much. Rather, I'd like to be someone helpful at work for a change...

Being at home... well, I guess my family has gotten used to my silence and isolation in the room. They used to make a whole bunch of noises and complaints about my routine at home. Its not that I've change or anything like that... I haven't been living with my parents for roughly 6 years now. Although I enjoy staying home relaxing, I ain't exactly a home person. I remember back to as young as 13, I enjoyed staying away from my parents. Homesick only meant sick of home rather than missing it. When will I be able to roam free again? The feeling of being home in your own home is really comforting. I also get this feeling of staying at home... "the more i stay home, the more arguments will come up at home". We will always be kids to our parents so nothing we say will ever go in properly to their ears... and this really is pissing off at times. Adjusting to home is just... another weird task...

I'm feeling really f*cked up recently... Whatever that I stood or believed in actually is heading for a U-turn. Was I being too idealistic? Or is it just plain naive of my thoughts? Probably there was something which I should have done in a long time, but I just couldn't. Someone told me... "Its just so like you"... I was speechless for a moment... but I'd really prefer to be hopeful. My advice? If you wanna live your life, be someone that really live with your "brains" or your "heart". What happens when your brain and heart try to work on the same problem? You get a messed up monkey like me.

I've had sleepless nights for the past few days. I had nightmares and ended up waking at 2 -3 in the morning, gasping or palpitating from those dreams. My first string of nightmare began as a result of worry & guilt towards a friend of mine. Just when I can't help feeling restless and lost with those feelings, it had to continue in my dreams. I think I've let her down in some way. Hurting her is the last thing that I would ever wanna do but in some twist of fate, I think I've just done that. If there was anything to make things right again, I'd certainly do it.

The following night was also torturous! Just when I thought I could sleep peacefully, I had to dream of work! Isn't working 8 hours a day enough already? Guess it shows how stressful work can be and hazardous to one's mind. Same thing again, I woke up in the middle of the night sweating in a room with a temperature of 24 Celcius.

People often say good luck/bad luck comes in three... so I hit the jackpot again last night. There was just too much bugging my mind before I went to bed. "what to do?" "should I?" "Is this right?" and kerpowwww! Nightmare 3! This time, in my dreams, I lost someone dear... I was really relieved when I woke up from bed, know that it was just only a dream.

Restless pretty much sums up the feeling...

I'm confused...

2008-03-08T03:10:00.001+08:00

What am I holding on to?

Goodbye...

2008-03-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

I see...

2008-02-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

Childish!

Love is blind but not stupid...

2008-02-10T12:14:00.001+08:00

Love is blind but not stupid... Someone recently told me this and it does ring a bell or two. I couldn't have agreed more with her. Then again, if love is blind... I am clearly stupid.

How does one weigh love and affection? Full commitment to oneself? Or how do you want to be loved? We yearn for any understanding partner but yet are we understanding at our end? Love isn't just about giving your all to a person. It involves great sacrifices, tolerance, patience and above all your unconditional care. I guess that is how you derive the "love is blind" statement. Loves becomes stupid when you hurt yourself too much. Or when you start to calculate too much or too little that he/she did then something is definitely wrong... So deal with it.

When a relationship ends, it usually leads to some sort of frustration. A feeling that something that's unsettled, restlessness because it could've been better, IF it went this way and so on... but why look back anymore and dwell in it. Let what's past be the past and move on... We learn from the mistake and apply it to someone different. I believe everyone are nice in their own way but if it doesn't suit you, then its not meant for you. The analogy? If you like the shoe but it doesn't fit you no matter what... What do you do? Try to wear it even though its tight or slightly loose? That's still acceptable but you feel the pain in the long run. BUT what if it just is too small or too big? You can't blame the shoe for being not your size isn't it? Just leave it, find another shoe that you love. You still love that shoe but you have to pick another one coz it doesn't fit. So does it mean that you're not gonna love your new shoe?

Another person also said that sometimes when you dearly love someone, it doesn't mean that you have to be with them. My reply was "so true... yet so sad but true". As the Chinese saying goes "Yau Yuen Mou Fan".

Back in the good ol' school days, love was simple. Boy loves girl, girl loves boy, boy tells girl, girl accepts boy, boy & girl giggles all the way... So that was it... The world of black and white. Grey? what is that?

When we grow, we learn that life's just not that simple. Yes, even when you love someone. Love isn't just loving a person anymore. Ideal relationship? There's no such thing if nobody works for it. Are we all that ethical in love? Just ask yourself and keep it to ourselves. There can never be a true black and white in feelings. So most often we end up dating a person we have the "it" factor most but still, we love the people around us.

When you've loved, or found love before... You will understand that it can never be a clear cut between you and your ex. This especially happens when the relationship ended mutually or when a person was asked to be parted. Even when if you were the person who initiated the break-up, you'd still care for the other person because you placed your heart and soul to the relationship before. However, the care and love is an entirely different feeling from those that are in a relationship. Unless, I'd dare say that your previous love isn't love at all but sheer infatuation, admiration and nothing else deeper than that, you will be able to fling your previous partner off just like that.

How bout Platonic relationships? Do you believe in them? I do ... Sometimes the opposite sex are just slightly more observant about oneself which really is comforting. Take your best friend, one whom you hang out a lot with, share secrets with, be together on every memorable moments with and replace it with a person of the opposite sex. It isn't that hard to imagine right? Well, the only problem or point of argument is, doesn't that sound like your girl/boyfriend already? So lets rewind again... close friend, does everything together... same sex... Does that mean I'm gay?

Its really a whole different kind of feeling between your friend and partner. I'd say I love my friend but its not the same type of love or affection that we shower to our partner. If you ask me, I'd put my partner in priority to my friend but then again, because they are my close friend, I'd do the extra mile for them too. I don't mind doing silly things or difficult tasks for my buddies, coz they are my close companion. If you wanna be jealous, just ask yourself how often do we do that for them when compared to our partner? Often jealously occur and heck I am one of them if my girlfriend ever had a close guy mate. Well, I am trying to be as understanding as much as I can but sometimes we're human after all. What's important is that we know our weaknesses and try to work it out. Then again, who am i to judge because I have close girl mates as well. If we chose that particular person, we gotta have a faith in them, our decision in choosing the right partner. After all, isn't relationships all about trust?

Alas, trust alone won't work and its not a black & white world we're living in. Tolerance & understanding is pretty much important in a relationship. Lets face it, we gotta give and take in a relationship. Before that, here's an equation love != relationship. In fact, I think it should be put as Relationship = Love + trust + tolerance + understanding + care. Love is only a part of the relationship so don't go whining "you don't love me anymore". Understand this too, before a relationship started, each and everyone had their own lives and there are things that are important to them.

Starting a relationship meant adding a new value to life and also making little sacrifices as well along the way. Simply put, that to gain anything in life, something must be given up. A person gives up some of the time with their family, time with their friends, time with etc and places it into a new slot called Love. While a person is wiling to give up certain things in life for you, there are certain things that they cannot give up for you. For that is what's unique about them and what makes them the way they are. One cannot just simply demand that they give up what's important to them and argue that he/she is less important. That would only be foolish for you are trying to take the person in whole. Think about it yourself. Doesn't everyone have a certain thing that is important to them? What if your partner ask you to drop them out? Are you willing to drop anything at all that your partner asks you to? This is where tolerance & understanding come in place. If you can't change something, you've just gotta learn to respect one's wish. Either deal with it or lose it. It doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you or you are less important. It is something that's just on a different category of importance. Parents -Best Friend - Partner... How do you compare ??? Do you love your mother more than I do? Isn't just silly? They are equally important if you ask me.

You hear the term "white lies are ok". And why not? If a lie is for the better of a situation, wouldn't you tell it? Lies are bad but white lies... tell me who doesn't tell a little lie? I've told white lies... so tell me... you be the judge for those who've known me... am I wicked? Do I need to slapped with a huge "SAMAN!"?

Try not to cling to the word love as a reason for everything... its only a part of a relationship if you are ever looking for one. After all, love is only a feeling...

enerix: "No feeling is ever permanent. God created it that way so we don't have to suffer when we lose someone. The only way to prolong a feeling is that you renew it yourself..."

"No one is made a mind reader. While some might be observant, they will never be accurate all the time because people change along the way. God also intentionally made people not a mind reader... yeah, of coz it'd be good and convenient but say goodbye to freedom of privacy."

I give up... am very confused & disappointed.

-anti-social-

Bad Day

2008-01-26T08:43:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
You tell me your blue skies fade to grey
You tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Dear Diary...

2008-01-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

Dear you,

How have you been up till now? It has been quite some time since I ever talked to you hasn't it? Many things have happened since the last I saw you, yet so little things that I can describe to you. I'm really sorry for not writing or talking to you.

I guess I haven't been myself at all in these few months. SO much has changed and I really am confused with myself. I couldn't find the right words to speak to you because I couldn't find the right words to present to you. I did wrote to you many times, but always get stuck in the middle of my own words. Probably I thought that there were nothing worth for you to keep in mind about. Perhaps I overlooked again, and failed to realize that all you wanted what to know the bits and chips of my daily life... I know that I would be interested to hear your words, from your lips... if that is ever possible.

It took some time to realize that, everyday is a day to be cherished. Nothing is to plain or boring to tell you. For you are miles away, the only way to keep our distance close was to let you in on our lives. I don't think that you can ever reply me, but I'll make the first step anyways to let you know how I've been doing. Perhaps one day, someone will pick this up and exchange messages with me. So until then, I'll try and promise to keep on writing, till the day we pick each other up away from the gloomy feelings.

Have you ever been stuck at difficult choices in life? I sure have a hell'o lot of it. I guess the question is, how do you measure happiness? Do you thrive for the best? If so, when would you be contented? The term "don't be greedy" alway come in mind but yet, "always strive for the best" is advised. Again, the most logical explanation is to use the advice at a proper time and situation.

I've been unhappy yet contented at the same time. So tell me... what should I do? Should I strive for happiness and leave my sense of fulfillment behind for the unknown? While many has told me that we should alway seek for happiness but yet, is there a way to be truly happy? Nobody knows... Its been a circular journey so far; Every time I moved ahead, I end up at the same position again... Feeling bitter rather than sweet.

Somehow it felt like my struggles in life is all meaningless. I've had dreams, goals & wishes. What has happened to them I wonder... All crushed to bits by the waves that hit me hard. Did I not try hard enough? or was it just too much to handle? Despite feeling dark and down, I always carried a glimpse of light called hope. It was the hope that kept me moving, hoping that one day things will turn for the better, and on... building up the dreams together with the person I cherish most.

Yet again, HOPE is such a strong yet brittle word. My light is dimming day by day... I wonder how long would it keep burning? Perhaps I am just too tired, too frustrated with myself. I guess that its time to take a break... A holiday... A long vacation...
and If someday I do return from my journey, or even crossed your path... Would you be my hope, my light? In return, I promise that you'll always be kept close in my heart and soul, like a beautiful fairy tale where both you and me find our happily ever after, Together...

-ramblings of a semi-conscious other me...-

To my hearts content...

2008-01-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

you amaze me...

Closure

2008-01-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

Who is responsible when someone did something to you that you hated? While it might seem that the initiator being the baddie, this isn't always true for people living with different understandings. So how do you hate a person for not knowing what you like or dislike?

Cartoons do make a lot of sense at times. Remember the scene in Chicken Little where Abby Mallard told Chicken Little about having closure with his dad? When both party aren't communicating well enough, it would only spell misunderstanding. If you're never going to be honest about your feelings, then nobody will understand you. I really do think that we need to be more honest about how we feel in building a good relationship with anyone that we treasure.

Working in a global environment reminded me that there are many people in the world. We are all different people, with different names, background, and culture. So how do we work together as a team? It really is difficult and sometimes offensive when you don't understand a certain people's action. For example, a "thumbs up" in a country (i've forgotten where but its true) means the opposite to "excellent" in our terms. It is important for both of us to understand each other's cultures and habit, so that you might not get offended. From there on, we mutually develop an understanding to respect our differences.

Sometimes I just don't understand why people prefer to hide their emotions so deep inside. While it means privacy to you... we must learn to express ourselves a little so that people will know you better, and learn how to respect and treat you better. Who can you blame when someone did things that hurt your feelings? How would've anyone know if you never expressed or made known you hate something.

While there are a few "gifted" people who are sensitive enough to know what you think by just looking at your actions, there are only a handful of people around you that is capable of doing that. Still, we are never born mind readers and humans, do change in time. So what might be accurate now might not be the same for good.

From a personal point of view, I find it very hard to grasp and somewhat annoying when a person has an issue with you but don't try to work it out. Rather, they expect you to realize what they dislike and the irony is, they try so hard to hide the fact that they DO hate it. I believe you can't hate people out of your own expectations. Its only fair to say that you're disappointed when someone failed your expectation, with prior knowledge that they knew what was expected from them.

Think of it... you want to be mysterious, yet you want people understand you. So which is the actual intention? Its really ironic... I felt like I'm like this too at times... but I realize sometimes to get things moving, you have to be honest yourself first to get the rest of the world moving. Only because everyone is afraid to get hurt, someone must be bold enough to make a move... who knows... the world will revolve in your favour...

Jan 14

2008-01-14T15:11:00.001+08:00

I resign...

Hello World.

2008-01-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

I've been missing for months now... Just moved to a new house about a month ago and I was internet-less for these few weeks! Oh the agony of no internet. I just realized how empty the PC would be without the internet. I had to get through a lot of crap just to get the PC hooked up to the net. Its a freaking long story so probably I'll write a separate post on it when I have the time.

Firstly Happy New Year to everyone! This would be my first post of the year and there's just so much to recap and tell... but, am really lazy now + I've been having the headache since morning. So... I'll keep my grand-uncle stories for the next post.

Shout-out to everyone: I'm sorry for the mistakes I've done, Sorry for the times I hurt you bad, Sorry for the hutang I hutang so long... hehehe (i'd Maybank2U earlier but there was the internet issue for over a month). So... looking forward to a great new year with all of you, my pals, my darlings, my imaginary friends, my pocket...

The Condom Story

2007-10-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. been writing gibberish and making lots and lots of errors. Here's a not so gibberish post...

This incident happened about a week ago (during hari raya) when I was in Mid-Valley shopping with my friend. My pal and I went shopping (yes... men do shopping too) to look for some stuffs that he wanted. The list was long; spanning from the top to bottom of his feet. It was quite enjoyable really... hadn't been out hanging out with the guys for some time already.

So our last stop for the day was Watsons. My friend wanted to look for some prescription medicine and so we headed towards the end of the pharmacy. Right before reaching the pharmacist counter was a rack filled with lots of stuffs... ( I can't remember though..) and at the very end portion of the rack was condoms. Yes, I haven't mentioned that Watsons was on Sale that day... So most of the stuffs we're having discounts; including the condoms. Right in front of the rack was a tag and on it, written "15% off". Hmm.. If i needed it, that would be a great time to get those jumbo packs.

So anyway, as both of us walked past the aisle I noticed a man standing in front of the condoms rack and looking at the Durex box. He picked one up and well... maybe he was wondering which one to buy. On the same aisle, was a pretty looking girl standing near the guy. She had the innocent look and quite an adorable lass at first sight. As we walked pass the man, he turned around and spoke to the girl out loud "Look! got discount sammore.."

Immediately I glanced at the girl and she was blushing with nowhere to hide. Her reaction was like she didn't even knew the guy and immediately walked off the aisle to the next rack, blushinig and smiling away... It seemed that the girl was the guy's girlfriend and needless to say... hehehehe

Oh well, i guess he won't have the pleasure to use those condoms that night after an embarrassing moment at the pharmacy. What would you do... if your boyfriend did the same stupid mistake like him? ... Hmmm... i don't even wanna know ....

Quoted...

2007-10-08T15:19:00.000+08:00

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine,
after the rain ....

Perhaps you may stumble,
perhaps even fall,
But God's always ready,
To answer your call ...

He knows every heartache,
sees every tear,
A word from His lips,
can calm every fear ...

Your sorrows may linger,
throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish,
in dawn's early light ...

The Savior is waiting,
somewhere above,
To give you His grace,
and send you His love...

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
"God always sends rainbows ....
after the rain ... "

Untitled

2007-10-06T10:52:00.000+08:00

"You And Me"

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

Its Only Natural...

2007-10-05T18:08:00.001+08:00

I've been going about lately trying to write, express whatever I wanted but it seemed to have stopped in the middle every time. Up till to-date, there are 4 unpublished post still inside my account. What am I to do with them? I've lost interest in them somehow, the story isn't so beautiful anymore.

I guess this is how life is too in reality. Nothing is perfect and beautiful all the time. Yes, we all know it already but why do we still feel the way we are now? Probably, its only natural...

What am I blabbering about? I am not so sure myself... Let's take a break here and step into a sub post ...

The Story of a Boy: In My Perfect World.

I once had a dream... of a perfect relationship...
I would love her with all my heart, and she will cherish me with joy.

We'll never have to fight, We'll always talk things right.
I'll always hear her out, and I'll never have to shout.

I'd be there right by her side, She'll never have to hide,
For I will protect her, from anything she fear.

I'd be the one she admire, she'll never have to desire,
I'd go with all her wanting, there's never need for calling.

Our feelings they'll never go, till old it will always grow,
We'll see our lives together, our love will never falter.

My promise to you my dear, I stated it loud and clear,
Your smile it makes me lift, your recognition my greatest gift...

- FIN -

On to reality... If only it was this perfect... No matter how I wish and tried, it could never be that great. Love is great, but we are all human after all. Sometimes it gets tired especially when we never get the same affection in return.

People always never appreciate of what they already have. Even when it is good and pure, they will still overlook and yearn for more. The only time they ever realize and come to their senses, is to lose it and regret later. What for? only to lose and realize...

*here's something that was kept in the draft for a month

Solitude

2007-10-05T17:04:00.001+08:00

Have you ever felt out of tune to life? Those moments where things just doesn't seem right at all? Nothing happened but you just can't seem to understand why you feel tired and fed up with everything around you...

Today is one of those days that's happening to me. It might be the work stress perhaps? I've just switch posting again and am holding big responsibilities over my shoulders. Just imagine that you are a... for say... Char Kuey Teow man... the next thing you know, your boss tells you that you are gonna be a VP tomorrow. Yeap, that's how big the gap feels for me now. I'm really glad that I managed to go this far in a year... but (psst... ) fact is nobody dared to take the job and it all comes down to the noobest/freshest of them all... ME! aaaaAAAaaHHHhhh.

To further shorten my lifespan by giving me more heart attacks, I was picked/"volunteered"/asked a favour to replace a colleague of mine for on call duty. There goes my weekends... say goodbye to goodnight and sleep tight, welcome horrific midnight calls! Hmm... maybe I should just pretend that I didn't hear the phone ring... hahahaha That would certainly be a good though... Why am I so restless??? This is also my first time on call =.=". Hopefully I can have a peaceful week till next week where I can handover my on call duty to someone else. :P

Or maybe cuz I'm sick? Haven't been feeling well lately. My throat has been irritating me for the past 2 days and I really hate sore throats. I get all gramps when I get the sore throat! I don't wanna be grumpy!!! I'd really love to set my eye of those MC's for being sick right now but I can't! As the saying goes, "Tak harn sei, em tak harn bheng" <--- rough translation: Got time to die, no time to fall ill.

Or maaaaaaybe... I'm getting fickle minded over personal issues. Sometimes I'd sit at my bed side and my mind starts wandering off.... .... .... Like now... Life hasn't really been rosy for me personally. Work is fine but just don't seem to be happy at home and etc. Don't you just wish that you knew the right path to choose? Choices choices... Decisions... and more of that crap. Ah... I'm really starting to get off to nowhere aren't I? Here's a question, what would you do if you've been hurt?

Sigh... I need a vacation... A trip to an uncharted island where I could just sit there and all I need worry is about what I'm gonna eat on my next meal... Ah what the heck, I'm gonna be alright tomorrow morning. MMmmnnn... some TLC might speed things up... hahaha :P

Seems like this is a normal thing :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solitude.
Phew....

My Fairy Tale Princess

2007-10-04T18:38:00.000+08:00

to a wonderful someone...
===========================

You're like a fairy tale princess,
You're like a dream come true.
You're all hes' ever wanted,
Yet you never had a clue.

Your tender voice fills him with joy,
It broke the spell of a lonely boy,
This blessed you he truly believe,
Like Sleeping Beauty a fairy's gift.

Your brilliant smile lights up his day,
His growing pain you'll ease them away,
This charming you can only compare,
To lovely Snow White only that's fair.

Your presence felt, he stood in awe,
So lost for words the moment he saw,
This graceful you so treasured in mind,
Like Cinderella who graced down in time.

to be continued...

*Its not a complete post yet and will be updating this from time to time. Hoping this post will grow slowly..

Losing my brains...

2007-09-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

Just a quick and short note... I had lots of stuffs to say... It was in my mind already and er... I just forgotten what to blog about... Signs of aging? Time can be so so so cruel... :P Gimme a few days and I'd probably be able to recall what I wanted to say...

Intermission

2007-07-31T23:46:00.000+08:00

Been really busy lately in the office and its really killing off my brain. Think I'm turning into a Pig.. Here's an indicator:

Expansion on waistline - I neeeeeed new pants!
My daily routine is wake up - sit - eat - sit - eat - sleep
I only move when I'm pushed to move

I'll be back soon with more crap to unload here. Thanks again for the support. I'm blushing here... not.. :P hehehehe

It made me smile...

2007-06-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

Bloggin... It really made me smile to see people actually spending some time to read what's written here. Feels kinda nice that when people enjoy whats written. Heck, I shoulda go take majors in English or literature instead of IT! Thanks for the support :) (to be continued...)

Story that never was...

2007-06-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

She was gold, and
She was bold, but
He was scared, and
yet he cared.

He was lost, and
There she was, but
He was gloved, and
She was loved,

He stayed the same, and
still quite sane, but
She had change, and
She was strange,

Now he stopped, and
He never talked, but
Now he's lost, and
at her cost,

This is fate, and
all to late, but
love they share, and
yet never there...

Love was found, and
Love was lost, but
Love is round, and
Love can bound.

Love is...

2007-06-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

When you are lost... remember this...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Corinthians 13:4-7

=.="

2007-06-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

Pening pening lalat~ Dun care lah...

Dear Diary...

2007-04-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure exactly when it started but I do remember that I was chasing/liking girls since primary school. I always find girls very fascinating and I liked the feeling of having a close friend and someone to console me when I am sad. Though it might sound corny, I'm sure most of you can relate to this. Heck my classmates were already acknowledging their couples even wat... we were only 11 - 12 maybe?

Probably I was seeking love elsewhere because I never had that family touch and love. Its not that my family don't love me, they do but they stopped hugging, peck me at the cheek nor held my hands since kindergarten. I don't remember the last time hugged or held my mom's hands. We won't touch our siblings as well. The moment our shoulders rub, we would already start fighting. Don't underestimate the power of hugs & simple body gestures.

My first crush was during primary 6 when I got to know this pen-pal from Penang. HAhahah.. come to think of it, it really is funny and sure brings back some memories. Since I grew up in a kampung like environment, I was pretty shy with girls and well... still not the ladies men till now =.=". Back on those days, snail mail was the IN thing. We would compete to get as much of pen-pals as we can. There was also an international pen-pal society which my sister joined. That was really effective if you asked me. People were really sincere and it was fun anticipating mails from the postmen. Internet? what the heck is that? Lots of butterfly nets stacked up together?

Oh where was I? Yeah.. my first crush... Her name was... Mavis... something something. Can't recall her Chinese name. Guess I scared her off when I told her I liked her. That was the last mail I sent and received after that from her hahaha. If she was reading this, I would like to tell her I'm sorry that I freaked her out :P Was still a kid back then and didn't know what I was doing. Well, that was a dumbass move no matter how many times I think about it. I'd really laugh to myself now when I hear that kids in school start confessing to girls even when the results are obvious. Kinda remind me of myself.

Well, I guess we learn along the way. Kids at skool, if you ever bump into this post, its alright to date in school. Its part of growing up but please, keep your little elephant in your pants. Here are something I wanna share with you little guys out there:

Mailing a person less than 10 times won't win you the girl.
Not seeing the person at all won't win you the girl.
Knowing the girls name and where she lives only won't either.
Confessing to a girl when you have always been practically invisible under her radar is even stupid.
Confessing when she already tear up your valentines' card or dump your gifts is... I'm speechless.
Pretending to be macho is useless. Be yourself! If she likes macho and you're not, means forget it. Don't waste your time. You'll forget about her soon.
Act like a wuss and forget any hopes you hear me?

Wait.. I think my first crush was even way back than primary 6... I think it might be Primary 4 or 5. I liked one of my classmate and she was also my next door neighbour. I'd always go over to her house in the evening to hang out together. Probably that wasn't really love but childhood friendship where you practically want to be best buddies. I believe she is married now; probably with kids too.

As I headed into Secondary school, things are even more interesting. Hormones raging and also the peer pressure of best friends getting coupled! Damn... I wanna erase those memories away hahaha. Secondary was cool but also the gloomiest moments of my life. I had low self-esteem and hated the way I looked back then and it wasn't really helping at the dating department. Looking back at those years, I realize my mistakes of hating myself. Don't, you'll suffer. Learn to love yourself and bring out your personalities and it will shine. Who do you think would love you if you hate yourself?

Altogether, I had several/plenty/uncountable failed attempts at chasing girls during high school. At a point, I was telling myself that I would be a monk when I grow up. The rejections hurt big time, it hurts but it certainly taught me a thing or two. No teacher is better than experience itself. I'd always joke with my friends. Come to me not for advice for courting girls but come to me when you have been turned down. I can ease your pain. After several rejections, you'll learn of what to do and what not. No point in telling people what to do because they won't see how it relates to them. And yes... people just don't listen especially when it comes to this. The biggest advice that you hear is "don't go dating while you're still studying". Seriously, that is really good advice if you ask me now but hey we just don't listen. We only come to sense when time & years pass. STILL, it was good experience to date in school. Better learn when you are young rather than cheated(I am not refering to that... you know what I mean) for the first time when you are 30. Lagi mau bunuh diri.

I got my first girlfriend in Secondary 5 and I broke up 6 months later on my b'day. Not a nice gift but I somewhat chose that day to sort it out with my girlfriend then. We met over the internet and erm.... yes... those were the days where you thought everything is possible. Back then I could chat about almost anything and had a great community over the internet. Where have all the chatting juices gone now? beats me... Funny thing is we met only once and dated over the phone after that... so its not much a relationship when you think about it. Oh... before that I had a gf for a week somewhere during Secondary 3... and again.. probably I can't call her my gf...

Days in college was cool. I met a whole new group of friends(some brothers-in-arm too), fell in love and had a fair share of heartaches along the way too. Think it was the Nth time that I faced rejection which already made me immune to it. Still I had that thought of being a monk soon... =.=". On my last term in college, I met this amazing girl. She was kind to me and we somehow clicked well. We enjoyed each others company a lot. She'd drop by and ask about me when I'm sick and well, basically those little gestures was very sweet. Even though she was already seeing someone, it didn't matter to me cuz I know he's been hurting her. It kills me when I see her cry for him everyday in college. Somehow our friendship/relationship ended up sour when I left college. Don't really know what happened but I guess what's gone is gone. We're in ok terms now but just not that close anymore.

We went to separate Uni later on and life went on without her. I missed her so much, for a year at least since parting with her. Days were gloomy and I just lost interest in everything. The chatty and outgoing me just died back then. I loathed and complained about Uni and hated myself for whatever was happening. Still, things turned out not too bad. I didn't find love but I did find friendship and friends that I appreciate even till now. Some friends that I cared so much that I confuse myself sometimes. All in all, I was contented with what I had then. I was still moaning about the previous encounter that I told myself not to get involved. Still you can't beat the hormones and well, I did resisted temptation for at least 9 months or so.

And soon... Ah, let's just skip this part...

Present time comes and I guess I found someone whom I can appreciate. Although we tried not to argue like other couples but i think that statement might be slightly a bit over-powered. There's bound to be happy and sad times together and we strive through it together. Its what relationship is all about... right? I was the happiest guy alive when we started off. Things were butterfly'ish and I felt top of the world. As years pass, it just tones down a little but I understood that this was a normal thing. Or izzit? We're still together and I'm glad to have known her. She brought hopes and laughters to my sadistic life; though sometimes we have our ugly moments

After all the happy and sad moments of life in relationships, I'm doubting... what actually is love that I've been looking for? Is it the acknowledgement you get after your countless hardships? Probably its like sex where you actually get the 1 - 2 secs of climax but your exercise before that is freaking long. What do we actually look for in relationships? I know I want happiness, I want to be with my loved one but how do you tell if you've found true love? or is there even such thing...

My girlfrend, my car...

2007-03-17T03:11:00.000+08:00

Girlfriends are like cars:

Car: Expensive but if you work hard and earn enough money for down payment, no problem!
GF: "hard sell" but if you work out her heart, she's yours..
Car: Choose wisely before you pick your car, you're gonna stick to it for some time till you get enough cash for the next down payment.
GF: Choose wisely, you only get one gf at a time and hopefully only 1 wife.
Car: Before buying, the only concern you have is getting enough money for the car
GF: Before dating, you only worry about winning her heart
Car: After buying, you worry about maintenance and keeping it in tip top condition
GF: When dating, you worry about maintaining the relationship & keep her happy.
Car: Don't get a car you cannot maintain, you'll run it down and waste your money
GF: Don't go over your league, patching here and there won't last.
Car: Pick the wrong car? not easy to sell off also...
GF: Breaking up is hard to do
When you lose your car, you go back to public transport
When you lose your gf, you go back to the single population

Inner Self

2007-03-17T02:29:00.000+08:00

I feel wicked
I feel unsatisfied
I feel crazy
I yearn the impossible
I frown at reality
I am changing, for better or worse?
I fear...
I have a secret

I am not a maid!

2007-03-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

I am not your maid, not a maid

Domestic Helpers are like pirated VCD

2007-03-09T12:24:00.000+08:00

Foreign maids; You need em' and you're also afraid of em'. You worry if they run away, kidnap your children, turns out to be a psycho, rob your house and so on but hey here's the news... They're scared of you too. They worry if you'll torture them, starve them, work them over and etc... Fact is we're scared of each other so we should respect each other if you wanna get things worked out. You know you need them so don't overdo it! Although they are paid to do your biddings, it doesn't mean that they aren't human. Who could work 16 hours every and on weekends too??? Even your mom or wife complaints about the chores they do everyday and they get to rest in between. Then again, if they do the work less than your acceptable cleanliness, why bother hire them when you could do a better job.

Perhaps the industry has gotten bigger and thus we get the lousy service from the agencies. The quality of maids has certainly gotten worse when compared to the earlier days. With more demands of these domestic helper, the agencies will just go to anywhere and recruit anyone to do the work. If they did had a screening test, I'd say they did a lousy job.

Helpers now are like pirated VCD while the agencies are just like the peddlers on the streets. Qualities not guaranteed and its your luck to get an acceptable helper. Like a pirated CD peddler, if you don't like your purchase just return it for a one to one exchange. Then again, the quality still s*ck on the next exchange. What happens to the cd that you returned? Its put up for sale again until the next sucker pays for it. There's nothing much they can do about it after the purchase. People just keep on going back to exchange for other defect products.

Thats how I perceive the agencies nowadays. If your helper is problematic, return it to the agency and they let you pick someone else. Your previous helper is pushed back to the available pool for some other sucker who wants to change their helper as well. What can you do? You've already paid the money and its not like you get a refund. You just end up with more headaches. Why are the agencies like this? Why not do some proper screening and interview before you recruit your staffs? If you did, try harder to improve. Just because people need your service doesnt give you the rights to slack off...

Rich man, Poor man.

2007-03-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately as my internet is pretty much filtered. Its the only place where I can find interesting and crappy things to fill up those gaps every now and then. I truly respect the bloggers that takes criticism openly and not filtering comments on their posts. At the same time, I find it most interesting to read the comments from readers as they are actually the main source of laughter. Some people just can't take the joke on the surface. They have to take the jokes on postings personally and start a "crap war" out of it. While I think its entertaining to see the useless fight for who's right or wrong (c'mon, its only a post for pete's sake!), you're only wasting your energy. Your opinion really doesnt change the world. It only goes to show how bad tempered or natured you are when you argue about a little posting. If you want to have a say at things, do it elsewhere which is much more productive.... like I dunno.. go do politics or be someone famous enough to become influential.
Reading through people's comments did made me realize one thing. When you are a nobody, your comments are just rubbish no matter how logical it sounds. Rich b*stard will see you in court if you post things that offend them even just a little and poor kids like us... well... save your breath for something else... Free speech is almost impossible here. If you want that, go migrate to some other country. I won't put any hopes here...

How do you know if you have YM Syndrome?

2007-03-06T19:23:00.000+08:00

How to you tell if a person is playing with Yahoo Messenger way a bit too much? Here's an indicator:

You always hear "pok!" in your head every now and then, with or without a PC.
You stare at the taskbar until somewhere flashes yellow and get all excited.
You shutdown and launch YM! repeatedly until someone msg's you.
You start msg'ing your own Yahoo ID when there's no one else to talk to.

If You have any of the above, you're likely contracted with YM Syndrome! There is no cure!

Interim Solutions include:

Set "pok" as your HP alert tone so you don't imagine the sound instead.
Hide your taskbar so you don't see it.
Start spamming your list.
Delete your ID from your own contact list.
Use MSN and risk getting MSNingvitis or GoogleTalk and risk at Googling effect

From the workstation

2007-02-28T17:22:00.000+08:00

Its a busy day today. Its already 5.30pm and here I am sitting by the window of my workstation in the office. What AM I doing here??? It started off as a short day in the shortest month of the year and suddenly it changed when I was about to go home :P

The day started off with some hectic schedule. Its already the end of the month and there are a lot of routine tasks to be completed at this time around. As early as 7.45am, I got the headaches from seeing overdued bills as a result of poor billing process. I wished that I could just take out a lighter and burnt all the bills to ashes.

On with the day, I had to get whatever I wanted to settle before lunch because of some meetings with the managers that came all the way from the states( holiday for them, more work for us). The meeting was scheduled for 4 hours which means that we had no time to do our own stuffs. And so... the rush hour begins!

By the end of the day, things was almost settled. I could go home and sleep peacefully and suddenly.... why... why did I had to go see my supervisor before going hooome??? *slap myself* I went to surrender my company phone because contractors aren't allowed to have company assets...( Wut? Permanent staffs wont cheat the company izzit? Naweh... How to work for you if you dun trust us? Why bother hiring contractors then?) So anyway, I was dragged into some late night conference by my team lead =.= The meeting won't start till 9pm so here I am... by the window of my room looking out at KLCC, ppl walking home while I rant, whine about staying back! Its a good thing they granted me Internet else I will really turn into stone. I didn't had access to the internet until recently... YUP! what company does not have internet huh??? Mine... =.=

Let's try some self comfort here... Its really nice being in the office. I have half the room and the view is great! I get the feel of a manager's office. The only thing that brings me back to reality is my scrawny pay I get each month and I get bossed around :P Wish I had a camera with me so I can upload some photos here to show you what I am talking about. Then again, my computer's security is so tight, its hard to be called a PC... should be labelled as dummy workstation!

Yes... why are we all rushing for work? Why do they managers bother to visit from the states? We are having a teambuilding!!!! YAy!!.... again... for the nth time in my 8 months in the company. Anyway, I am heading off to Genting tomorrow for the teambuilding. I'll make sure I squeeze whatever I can from this trip for making me staying back today~ wakakaka

The story of a toothpaste...

2007-02-03T10:48:00.000+08:00

Recently heard of this story from one of my colleague at work. She said there was this couple that they know of, married many years who actually divorced over a tube of TOOTHPASTE!. You know its common that some people like to squeeze at the very top end of the paste as it is convenient to do so. Then, there's the neat freak that likes to squeeze the tube at the lower end so that they can push the toothpaste all the way up. So in this case, the wife was a neat freak and the husband just couldn't be bothered on where its squeezed. So this happened too many times over their marriage and the wife was unhappy about it. She told him to follow her and the husband said "OK!, OK!". Alas, the OKs turned to KO because old habits die hard. They got upset on each other and quarreled on many other small things. In the end? They met at where they started their lives together. The law firm...

My Boss & I

2007-01-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

One not so fine day, we received a note from our Boss. The subject line was:
"Our daily working hours is 8 daily" or something like that...

In it was written something like this:
"We are required to work at least 8 hours daily everyday. I noticed some of you that comes to work and goes for breakfast for 20-30 mins, then take lunch for more than an hour, then you take tea break and go back home sharp 5!" and the mail goes on...

After that mail, nobody dared to go home sharp 5 even if they never did any of the above. Well, I was one of the people up there kakakakaka. That was months ago when I had nothing else better to do at work :P.

Anyway, I had an incident at work today. I stayed back late a little. Probably because of that mail.. hehehe while I was packing my bags to go home, I turned around and check if I had missed anything out... well... nothing left... and I headed for the door. I locked my room and there it was... Behind the windows of my room... I saw my ROOM KEYS!!! Arghhh!!! I locked myself out of the office! Oh booy... My room mate isn't coming to work for another 3 days and my keys are left inside the room... :P Ah heck... I'll see the security tomorrow and get it opened. But hmm... I think I forgotten to switch off the lights as well... hehehehe

? can't make up a title for this one ?

2007-01-30T22:53:00.000+08:00

I know, I know... why more lyrics again? Never realized what Hinder was singing either because his voice is just too "sexy" until you can't hear properly the words he's trying to speak! Still, cool lyrics... sad but nice...

"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Welcome to My Life

2007-01-30T22:45:00.000+08:00

This song never felt so meaningful before until now. It really sums up on what's happening lately and just felt like posting this up. My mom's been reading lots of horoscopes and shes telling me good things will come soon for me :P Though I usually don't believe them, especially the fat aunty on TV... but this is one prediction I hope will be true. Ahh... I need a holiday! Away from work, away from home...

Welcome to my Life O.o....

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Something on yer mind?

2007-01-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

Suddenly humming this song for no apparent reason and was curious so I went to search for the lyrics. Coincidentally, I found a very interesting line in the lyrics. See the 2nd last paragraph, highlighted text. Our MMU gang will certainly get the joke on this one! :P I'm not making this up hehehe! Ya can check this out here!

I'll Never Fall in Love Again - by Carpenters

What do you get when you fall in love

A girl with a pin to burst your bubble

That's what you get for all your troubble

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a guy

You get enough germs to catch pneumonia

After you do, he'll never phone you

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

Don't tell me what it's all about

'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out

Out of those chains, those chains that bind you

That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?

You only get lies and pain and sorrow

So far at least until tomorrow

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

Don't tell me what it's all about

'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out

Out of those chains, those chains that bind you

That is why I'm have here to remind you

Here to remind you, here to remind you

Toh! here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love

You only get lies and pain and sorrow

So, far at least until tomorrow

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

Resolutions... (are meant to be broken)

2007-01-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

2007... Time flies and I'm gonna get a year older... *tuut!* I'm already in my mid 20's! C C Mou Sing livin my life... Cannot lah... Lookin' back at 2006 was... well same as any years.

I already left my yearly resolutions back in school days. I remembered that we used to write an essay in BM and English about our new year resolution every time we got back to school. The last time I wrote on my resolution was... ... ... can't remember no more!

Anyway, before I finish this piece of writing, I'd like to share a story a bit on some other stuffs. My hands are shaking and I seem to lose my senses on the keyboard. I'm making a lot of typo while typing this thanks to the UNCLE from the CAMRY: BGN 8138 (his 8's on his car plate isn't gonna help him in lucks).

Ok! Back to Resolutions: Things I wanna do this year

Get a raise
Get a better job
Find a job I love
Job, Job, & more Job (ignore this one)
Be more productive (at work & life, does not include human population)
Get professional certification
Study another language
Be more independent
Be a better Son, Brother, Boyfriend?, Friend
Have a better goal and work towards it (usually N.A.T.O: no action, talk only)
Better Willpower (refer to item no.10 above)
Dream ( GOOD dreams that become reality)
Save money
Stop being so forgetful
Did I mention a better Job already?

Geez... that's a long list is it not? XD. Am I too late for this? its already 7th Jan. Oh well... better late than never!

Ok! back to my BGN 3138 story... I was driving at the Sprint Highway... After exiting the toll, beside Philleo Damansara. Oh yeah, before that... A lot of f*kers on the road lately that doesn't use their signal lights when trying to change lanes. Not to mention that they are blind as if there is no side or rear mirrors! This BIG FAT CAMRY suddenly pushed its oversized Hoods into my lane when I was beside the f*ker! Right in front of that f*ker was an oil tanker which was also trying to move into my lane but slowly... Lucky I was driving at 60km/h... and there wasn't any cars on my right... I was so freaked out that I couldn't find my horn! I managed to hit the steering 3 times though, which made 3 teenie weenie farting horn sounds which couldn't wake an ant.

Given my angry attitude, I slowed down my car further... waited for the f*ker and I chased his butt for a while... I cooled off a little afterwards but I was still shocked after that. Which made my hands... er... lose coordination a bit now while typing :P

I wished that these buggers will get their license stripped. There was another idiot previously in MV which did the same thing. That idiot must be trying to impress his girl in his old navy blue Honda Accord. His P license tells it all... Wondering which Kopitiam he got his license from...

Hannah Montana: Best of Both Worlds

2007-01-06T03:00:00.000+08:00

You get the limo out front
Hot styles, every shoe every other
Ya when your famous it can be kinda fun
It's really you but no one ever discovers
In some ways your just like all your friends
But on stage your a star

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds
The best of both worlds

You go to movie premieres
Hear your songs on the radio
Living two lives is a little wierd
But schools cool cuz nobody knows
Ya you get to be a small town girl
But big time when you play your guitar

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both
You know the best of both worlds

Pictures and autographs
You get your face in all the magazines
The best part is that
You get to be whoever you want to be

Ya the best of both
You've got the best of both
Come on best of both
Who would have thought a girl like me
Would double as a superstar

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best

You get the best of both worlds
With the shape and the hair
You can go anywhere
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together, oh ya
It's so much better cuz you know you've got the best of both worlds

-fin-

Comments: Let's face it, this is just a song and it happens in the show. You ain't getting best of both worlds in reality.

What if...

2007-01-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

What if... I made the other decision?
Ever wondered what its like to have made the "other" decision instead of the one you chose? Or have you ever had the feeling of regret after deciding on something? I know I do... Its not really that great to dwell too much into it and there's just too much in life for you to decide. How far can you worry? Being said that, I'm still a whiner and it makes me wonder...

Hmm... how many of you out there are that full of life, no regrets and always looking at the positive side?...

What if... you had to be cruel to find true happiness?
Long long time ago, when the Big Bad Wolf was just a wolf, he believed that the World was just & right. He stood and lived by his morals and life was a bed of roses to him and everyone around him.

Things however, changed and he realized how cruel and deceitful life can be when he jumped into the Muddy Valley a few years back. He turned into a screwed up bastard whose half screwed and half sane mind led him into thinking this question up:

The ultimate question of all time...
"What if you had to be basket to find true happiness?".
What would you do? Would you do it? Will you take up this role? What do I mean? Whether you are dating, married or "its complicated", will you ever be with another person and leave your partner behind? Let's just have a minute to think here... What if your true "the one" requires you to dump your partner, "spanar" someone, in other terms be the bad guy/gal in your relationship? Will you stand by your builded relationship or will you go with your great admiration? I am not provoking such an act nor do I condone to doing so. There is a moral to this story/question though... wanna know what it is? Ah heck, I'll tell you anyway...

"Never ever be too comfortable with your position in your relationship that you neglect your role responsibilities" cuz you dunno when you'll kena spanar'ed! Aaahahaha!

Relationships are a life long thing. You don't own it forever once you get hold of it but you continuously grow together with it. It is just like planting a tree. you nurture it and give it plenty of shit... err... fertilizers and water. If you stop shitting it, it'll die off slowly. Too much shit and it dies off too... Wah... so troublesome! Why do we bother giving them shit? Cuz you get a pretty bloomed flower when you do it right. and we love pretty things... :P

What if... I was SuPeR HeNsEm?
- I'd be a bastard... -

Ok! Just for laughs :P End of post hehehe

- Fate -

2006-08-22T18:27:00.000+08:00

There you are,
Here I am,
At times I'd stare,
Front where I am...

There you are,
so far away,
I hoped for you,
to look my way...

Here you are,
Here I am,
I showed my care,
Were you aware?...

There you go,
As I stood,
I watched you go,
Sighing "If I could"...

There you are,
Here I am,
I've found my place,
to fill my space....

There you are,
you're back at last,
I couldn't care,
My time has passed...

Here you are,
Here I am,
I have return,
but not my turn...

There you go, and
So did I,
So much we care,
just never really there...

- adaptation of the tree, the leaves & the wind -

- EL B.B.W-

Identity crisis

2006-07-31T23:57:00.000+08:00

Who am I...
I am sad, not so glad,
And I frown, just not a clown,
Where is hope, to help me cope?

Who am I...
Am I a men? Why so much I feel like a women?
Am I servant? Why must I be so obedient?
Am I a partner? Why am I just like a bother?

Who am I... I am not so patient...
Who am I... I am not a dummy...
Who am I... Who needs your care and attention...
Who am I... Who seeks your acknowledgements beyond compare...
Who am I... None of the other but the one who loves you most...

Who am I... I am still sad
Who am I... I am still confused
Who am I... I am still frustrated
Who am I... so tired of these games...
Who am I... so sick of the silence...

I don't know who I am, but I know who you are...
You are my hope...
You are my faith...
You are a part of me,
You are my everything,

You make me happy,
You make me sad,
You make me angry,
You make me scared...

I must be crazy, but I am glad,
So lost in dreams, So lost in wishes...
So lost in love, So lost in you...
And that is how, I forgotten who I am...

-EL B.B.W-

Same Ol Same Ol Stuffs...

2006-07-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

Ah... middle of the night and can't seem so get to slumber... Why?... Same ol' same ol' things... Don't have to mention again... Sleep! Fast fast go back to sleeep! >:P

The Dog

2006-04-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

Dear all, Meet "Siu Pak" ... direct translation would be "Little White". I think its suppose to be a German Spitz but no one knows because its a stray. Probably a mixed breed... Anyway, this is a tale of a homeless dog that found its way to numerous homes and finally found a permanent home WAY UP THERE!.... =.=

Siu Pak, which I nicknamed her as she was a homeless stray and was running around the streets in Kuantan. One one of the many visits to my girlfriend's home, I met this dog that was running/lepak'ing in the lorong of my girlfriend's house. I was already informed of this infamous dog by my girlfriend before I visited her home. I was very keen in seeing this dog as I love dogs a lot(probably being born in the year of dog has a reason to do with it).

Siu Pak was a stray that looks for food in that particular street. As she looks clean and not so stray like, people around the neighbourhood would feed her. She(the dog) so happened settled down on my girlfriend neighbour's house. This puppy made an unofficial home there and the owner didn't mind too. She had the freedom to roam around but she was a coward who never leaves that street. On the evenings, people will come out and leave food for her to eat. So did my girlfriend's family. They fed her when they had leftovers from dinner.

This pup was living happily i guess... Being able to be free yet fed by many. She's very particular in her food as well. She won't just eat anything you feed her :P. When I was there, I became very fond of it and played with it on the afternoons when I was in Kuantan. On the subsequent trips to Kuantan, I'd take the chance to play with the dog too.

My girlfriend's family didn't really had any attachment to the dog in the beginning. Perhaps it was only natural that after some time, everyone got accustomed with having the dog around and liked it. They bathed the dog, spent more time with the dog... The dog even moved over to my girlfriends house as she was kicked out of her previous home >:P. Its been a while since I saw the silly dogs face. Like my girlfriend said, Siu Pak is coward who never steps out of that road. It really made home there with lots of people.

Anyhow, I won't have the chance to see her anymore though... A dog that never left the road, took a long long trip all the way up there... Waaaaaay~ up there. (all dogs go to heaven) Sad but true. Just when everyone loved her, she went out of the road, and probably some drunk bastard or speeding arses knocked it down. She was missing for a day. Everyone misses her, wondering where she went. Then some neighbourhood friends claimed that they saw a white dog on the road. Lifeless... SIUUUUUUUUUUU PAAAAAAAAAAAK~~~!!! May she find happiness in her new found home.

Guys... I'm not crazy.... Just someone who appreciates dogs a lot.. Well, that's all I have to share today.

The Uncle

2006-04-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

This story happened quite some time ago. Who was lost in the scenario? I'm still puzzled. My girlfriend and I were having breakfast in Puchong before heading out to 1U last week. We reached our usual hawker centre and sat down on a table and minutes later a "attendant" came over and took our ofder for drinks.

After ordering our drinks, we started to think of what to eat. I asked my girlfriend of what she wanted and I would go place the order for her. Anyway, she insisted that she go and place her own order because the last time I ordered for her, it wasn't what she asked for. Oh well, anyways as I watched her walking to a stall and ordering, I was standing beside our table and looking at the available stalls.

When my girlfriend came back, I turned around and to my surprise, there was this UNCLE sitting at our table. "........" . I was stunned for a while. While some might argue because I wasn't sitting down at the table, my hand and whole self was at the table. Doesn't that give you the impression that I was there all the while???

I politely told the UNCLE,

Blur Me : "excuse me uncle, but you are sitting at our table".
Blur UNCLE: "how many people?".

I was still blur......

Blur Me : "2 person".
Blur UNCLE: "Sit lah.."

I was like.... Huh? Anyway, I just sat down and asked my girlfriend to sit too. I thought the uncle wanted to sit together as there were 3 seats altogether and the place was full already. My girlfriend seemed pissed as some "wan katt" man came over and sat on our table. Anyway, the uncle was kinda "jijik" as he kept on blowing his nose while eating. No comment....

He left after he finished his food and we left minutes after that too. After we entered the car, my girlfriend was still looking upset with the situation and we had a little talk. Only then that I realized that the UNCLE thought that we were asking his permission to sit on the table with him. I am lost for words...

The Messenger

2006-03-22T02:39:00.000+08:00

Do you Yahoo? MSN?

Instant messengers are fun and funny at times. Been using it for ages and you can see funny messages posted up on them. People often leave status messages that are fun to read and it can be quite entertaining.

I'm sure by now, those of you who uses them realizes that there are other use for it as well. Some people do advertising with them and well, some would use it as a means of war. Sometimes you see people leaving hate messages across one another and to think of it.. its kinda childish. You leave some hate messages and hopes that everyone reads it too... What are you trying to get at? Its time to grow up people...